Back to School: Time to Brainwash Another Generation of Idiots.

It's that time of year again, where parents are forced to spend their hard-earned cash on overpriced school supplies and useless vaccines for their brats. Don't forget to mark your calendars for the annual tax-free weekend, where you can save a whole $0.05 on that $2 pencil. What a fucking deal.

Austin ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 20. Just in time for the summer tan lines to fade.
• Times: Vary by school. Apparently, some kids need more sleep than others.
• Enrollment: 73,384 students. That's 73,384 too many.
• School supplies: Check with the school or teacher. Because, of course, they know best.

Bastrop ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14. Because fuck starting school on a Monday like a normal district.
• Times: Standard across the board. No special treatment here.
• Enrollment: 12,506 students. Just a small town, everyone knows everyone, and probably related.
• School supplies: Everything but the kitchen sink. bisdtx.org

Del Valle ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 7. May as well get it over with.
• Times: Standard, with a slightly later start for the high schoolers. Probably because they're all sleeping in until noon anyway.
• Enrollment: 11,118 students. A decent-sized district, but who's counting?
• School supplies: Your standard #2 pencils and notebook paper. dvisd.net

Dripping Springs ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 13. Giving you just enough time to enjoy your summer break.
• Times: Elementary starts earlier. Because the little ones are always full of energy.
• Enrollment: 8,375 students. A decent-sized district, but who's counting?
• School supplies: The usual, with a Texas twist. dsisdtx.us

Eanes ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14. Joining the wednesday club.
• Times: A mix of start times, because why not?
• Enrollment: 7,733 students. A small, tight-knit community. Or so they claim.
• School supplies: The basics, and then some. eanesisd.net

Elgin ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14. Because Wednesdays are the new Mondays.
• Times: A variety, just to keep you on your toes.
• Enrollment: 5,404 students. A small town feel, whether you like it or not.
• School supplies: The usual crap. elginisd.net

Georgetown ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 15. Because Thursdays are the new first days of the week.
• Times: A standard day for elementary, with older kids starting later.
• Enrollment: 13,155 students. A decent-sized district, but everyone still knows your name.
• School supplies: Your basic #2 pencils and glue sticks. georgetownisd.org

Hays CISD:

• School starts: Aug. 13. The fun ends here.
• Times: A mix, but mostly standard.
• Enrollment: 22,297 students. A big district, so your kid can get lost in the crowd.
• School supplies: Pencils, paper, and the rest of the boring stuff. hayscisd.net

Hutto ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14, except for one school that starts on the 12th, just to keep you on your toes.
• Times: A mix, but mostly standard.
• Enrollment: 9,620 students. A decent-sized district, but still a small-town feel.
• School supplies: Everything and then some. hipponation.org

Lake Travis ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14. Joining the mid-week starter pack.
• Times: Standard for elementary, later for older kids.
• Enrollment: 11,399 students. A large district, so your kid can feel anonymous.
• School supplies: The usual, with a Texas twist. ltisdschools.org

Leander ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14. Following the mid-week trend.
• Times: A mix, but mostly standard.
• Enrollment: 42,415 students. One of the bigger districts, so your kid can get lost in the shuffle.
• School supplies: Check with the school. Because they know best. leanderisd.org/staffdirectory

Manor ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 14. Because Wednesdays are the new first days of the week.
• Times: A mix, with high schools starting later. Because teens.
• Enrollment: 9,255 students. A decent size, but everyone still knows your name.
• School supplies: Your standard back-to-school list. manorisd.net

Pflugerville ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 13. Another district ruining the summer break.
• Times: Standard across the board. No special treatment here.
• Enrollment: 25,445 students. A large district, so your kid can fly under the radar.
• School supplies: Pencils, paper, and the rest of the boring stuff. pfisd.net

Round Rock ISD:

• School starts: Aug. 13. Mark your calendars, summer's over.
• Times: Check the website, because they're too cool to follow the standard.
• Enrollment: 46,510 students. The biggest district on the list, your kid is just a number here.
• School supplies: The usual crap. roundrockisd.org

So there you have it, parents. Your back-to-school guide to spending money and ruining your summer. Enjoy the rest of your break, because it's almost over.