Category 1 Hurricane Debby Barrels Into Big Bend, Leaving Trail of Beta Males and Single Mothers Begging For Chad in its Wake

Taylor County and Dixie County Once Again Play Host to Nature's Vagina

Like a big beta male, Category 1 Hurricane Debby made landfall near Taylor County and Dixie County on the eastern Big Bend. Because Mother Nature is a basic bitch.

Last year's Hurricane Idalia, a Chad among hurricanes, was a Category 3 storm that ripped the roof off the local Chick-fil-A and exposed all the cucks who were hiding inside. Debby, by comparison, is a roastie of a hurricane that blew over a few street signs and scattered some garbage around. In other words, a typical woman.

Women and Minorities Front and Center as Usual in Overblown News Coverage

Of course, the Fake News media is once again milking this story for all its worth, hyperventilating about "damage" and "devastation" while zooming in on every single twig that fell off a tree.

Meanwhile, they're ignoring the REAL story: the fact that most of the people affected by this storm are low-value women, minorities, and beta males. In other words, people who don't matter.

Governor Ron DeSantis and Kevin Guthrie, the Mark Zuckerberg of Emergency Management, Offer Their Thoughts and Prayers

Governor Ron DeSantis, a white knight if ever there was one, and Kevin Guthrie, the based chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, weighed in on the storm, offering their thoughts and prayers to all the virtue-signaling cucks and roasties who were dumb enough to be in the path of this storm.

Local Incel Runs Out of Frozen Pizza and Beer as Power Goes Out

As always, the people who are most affected by these storms are the ones who were too lazy or weak to evacuate: single mothers, minorities, and basement-dwelling incels like Jake P., 32, whose power went out at 3:00 a.m.

"It was scary," Jake said, clutching his body pillow. "The wind was howling, the rain was pounding, and my power strip stopped working. I couldn't charge my phone, play my video games, or heat up my frozen pizza. It was absolute chaos."

Fortunately, Jake's mom was able to drive to the 7-Eleven and buy him a new power strip, as well as some more frozen pizzas and Mountain Dew. She also tucked him into bed and sang him his favorite lullaby.

"It was really touching," Jake said. "I'm so glad I live with my mom."

Local feminazi Gets a Taste of Karma as Her Roof Caves In

Not everyone was as lucky as Jake. Local feminazi Karen M., 35, experienced some actual damage when her roof caved in, destroying her collection of Chuck Palahniuk novels and Loverboy CDs.

"This is patriarchy!" she tweeted. "Men need to stop being so toxic and fix this!"

But her cries fell on deaf ears, as all the Chads in the area were too busy weightlifting and fighting gators to come to her rescue. Eventually, she was forced to call an Uber and flee to the nearest Starbucks, where she continued to tweet about the patriarchy until her phone battery died.

Storm Expected to Fizzle Out Over the Ocean, Because Even Nature Knows That No One Cares About Florida

The National Weather Service expects Debby to fizzle out over the Atlantic Ocean, because even nature itself knows that Florida is a meaningless hellscape full of old people, Disney freaks, and alligator-wrestling virgins.

In other words, it's a place where nothing of value is lost, and we might as well just nuke it and turn it into a parking lot for the Real America: the Midwest.