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Gulf of Mexico Turns Into a Giant Toilet, Scientists Blame Nature for Huge Sh!t
Dead zones off the Gulf Coast are like impeaching Trump—they keep getting bigger and won't go away. Marine life? More like Marine died! Thanks, NOAA, for the pessimistic prophecy. #IncelLife #MAGA #WomenSuck
Published August 5, 2024 at 6:00pm by Alexis Simmerman
Giant "Dead Zone" Found in Gulf of Mexico, Women and Minorities Most Affected
There's a giant "dead zone" in the Gulf of Mexico, and no, it's not the set of a sci-fi movie or your local Walmart. It's real, and it's all thanks to those dang farmers and their fertilizer.
URL: https://www.noaa.gov/news-release/gulf-of-mexico-dead-zone-larger-than-average-scientists-find
Gulf of Mexico Dead Zone Now the Size of a Small Blue State
Apparently, this dead zone has been around for decades, but who's counting? It's bigger this year, covering an area of 6,705 square miles, which is like, the size of New Jersey or something.
URL: https://www.noaa.gov/news-release/gulf-of-mexico-dead-zone-larger-than-average-scientists-find
What the Heck is a Dead Zone?
So, basically, a dead zone is like when you don't eat your veggies and you get constipated, but for the ocean. It's all because of too much fertilizer running off into the water, which makes algae grow like crazy, and then the algae dies and takes all the oxygen with it. It's like a bad trip, man.
"Nutrient pollution is ruining nature, and the EPA is trying to fix it," said Bruno Pigott, some guy from the EPA.
URL: https://www.noaa.gov/news-release/noaa-forecasts-above-average-summer-dead-zone-in-gulf-of-mexico
Dead Zones: Not Just for Cell Phones Anymore
These dead zones are like a suffocation chamber for fish, shrimp, and crabs. It's like they all stood up against the wall and got machine-gunned down by Al Capone.
"It's super important to measure this stuff so we can adjust our strategies and manage the impact on coastal communities," said Nicole LeBoeuf, some bigshot at NOAA.
Recovery? Hah, That's Gonna Take Longer Than Your Mom at a Buffet
According to a study from 2018, it's gonna take at least 30 years for this dead zone to go away, even if we stop the fertilizer thing right now. Those scientists blame nitrogen, which they say moves slower than your grandpa after his hip surgery.
Read more: A 'dead zone' is growing in the Gulf of Mexico. It's now the size of New Jersey