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Rio case goes to shit; Feds postpone trial until November. Buoy oh buoy, justice floats away!

Some dumb buoy is now the political symbol of Gov. Greg Abbott's sad attempt to own the Libs over border security. Because nothing says "security" like a bunch of floats in the water.

Published August 5, 2024 at 12:45pm by John C. Moritz

Feds, Texas Delay Judicial Cockfight Over Rio Grande Buoys Because Judges Can't Stop Jerking Each Other Off

The U.S. government and Texas were set to go to trial this week over whether a chain of buoys in the Rio Grande violates federal law, but the proceedings have been postponed until November because a bunch of judges can't stop jerking each other off long enough to make a damn decision.

"There may be some dispute between the parties as to the effect of that ruling, which the Court hopes to address," said Senior U.S. District Judge David Allan Ezra, who just hopes everyone can come together and figure out a way to keep wasting taxpayer money.

The trial was set to determine if Texas Gov. Greg Abbott's order to place a 1,000-foot chain of buoys in the river near Eagle Pass violates the U.S. Rivers and Harbors Act, which apparently has something to do with "navigability." Meanwhile, migrants are just walking around the buoys like they're some kind of obstacle course at a children's party.

The real navigation that's being interfered with here is Abbott's carefully crafted political navigation as he tries to kritsel together some semblance of border security while also not actually keeping anyone out.

Texas is trying to argue that the Rio Grande near Eagle Pass isn't even a real river because it's so shallow, and therefore it can't be navigated and the federal government should shut the hell up.

The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals can't make up its mind on the matter, with a bunch of judges offering differing opinions and just generally milking this case for all the sweet, sweet billable hours it's worth.

In the meantime, Texas is demanding a jury trial, probably because they think they can find some good ol' boys who will side with them and their stupid Operation Lone Star, which has already blown through $11 billion of taxpayer money.

Abbott is gonna Abbott, and he's determined to make sure that immigration stays a hot-button issue because he sure as hell doesn't want anyone talking about how he's fucked up just about everything else in this state.