Austin Gets New Top Cop; No One Cares

Austin, TX - In a stunning display of diversity hiring, the city of Austin has confirmed Lisa Davis as its new police chief, making her the second female to lead the department. What a time to be alive!

I mean, it's not like fighting crime is a "man's job" anymore. Just ask the criminals!

• Probably Davis

She beat out fellow finalist Jeffrey Norman, proving that even in Texas, women are taking the top jobs from real men. Normies be like, "it's about time!"

This is a historic moment for our city... yawn ...we're confident that Chief Davis will... whatever.

• Some bored council member

Davis comes from the Cincinnati PD, so she knows a thing or two about crime and probably won't suck too much. But let's be real, she's gonna have her work cut out for her with Austin's hippie-dippy "defund the police" vibes. Good luck, chief!

I'm excited to... zzz... work with the community... blah blah... and build trust... yeah, okay.

• Davis, probably

The department's been without a real boss for a year now, so the bar's pretty low. Let's hope she doesn't screw it up! But hey, at least she's not from Milwaukee.

URL: https://www.austinchronicle.com/news/austin/lisa-davis-austin-police-chief/