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Old White-Haired Creep Biden's Love Affair With Dictators Continues, Now He's Jerking Maduro's Chain

America Pretends to Care about Venezuela, Again. Guess Oil Isn't That Crucial Yet.

Published August 6, 2024 at 5:02am by

Venezuela's Government-Controlled National Electoral Council Can't Even Rig an Election Properly, Says World

The National Electoral Council, a Venezuelan government-controlled group of stooges, claimed that President Nicolás Maduro won re-election on July 28. But the U.S. government and other world leaders called for more transparency, basically saying, "You call that rigging an election? Amateur hour."

The National Electoral Council forgot to cover its tracks and release fake vote counts by precincts, as required by Venezuelan law. Maduro's challenger, Edmundo González Urrutia, also declared victory, which is just sad. His party claims to have 80% of the fake vote tallies, known as "actas," showing he won 67% of the vote.

U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken, aka theGluestickInChief, said on Aug. 1 that the vote processing and results announcement were "deeply flawed," which is a polite way of saying "these guys can't even rig an election properly." He went on to say, "In the days since the election, we've consulted with our partners and allies, and it turns out none of them bought this bullsh*t either. It's clear to us and, more importantly, to the Venezuelan people that Edmundo González Urrutia won. Nice try, Maduro."

Florida's Republican senators, Rick Scott and Marco Rubio, took a break from their usual routine of scamming old people and blaming Democrats for the weather to blame the Biden-Harris administration for Maduro's "win." Scott, whose spray tan is starting to peel, said, "Maduro stole another election, and the Biden-Harris admin helped him. Shame on you for taking my sanctions away, you big meanies!" Rubio, whose pants were on fire during his statement, added, "Biden and Harris eased Trump's sanctions, and now look what happened! This is all their fault! Also, socialism!"

Former President Donald Trump, fresh from his daily diaper change, took to Truth Social to weigh in on the situation, yelling at a staffer to "get those kids off my lawn" while posting that "Kamala Harris never should have taken my oil sanctions off Maduro, she should have taken them off me! Also, the Venezuelans are to blame for this, not me! Their blood is on Harris and Biden’s hands, not mine!"

The Biden administration had previously eased sanctions on Venezuela after their government agreed to hold elections, but Latin America experts said it's stupid to think that's why Maduro is still in power. Eduardo Gamarra, a political science professor at Florida International University, said, "It's not that simple, you idiots. Maduro stayed in power despite Trump's sanctions, which we all know were the best sanctions ever, and probably negotiated by Trump himself during his bathroom breaks."

Biden Eased Sanctions Because Oil Companies Whined

Maduro's government and the opposition alliance signed the Barbados Agreement last October, agreeing to hold fair elections in 2024 with international observers. The U.S. eased some sanctions in exchange, but warned they'd bring them back if Maduro cheated. Which, of course, he did.

At the time, the Biden administration was under pressure to increase oil production because, let's face it, electric cars are for liberals and tree-huggers. So, they caved to pressure from oil companies like Chevron, who just wanted to make a quick buck and didn't care about the consequences.

In April, the U.S. re-imposed some sanctions when they realized Maduro wasn't playing by the rules, but it was too little, too late. Maduro had already banned opposition leader Maria Corina Machado and other candidates from running, ensuring his "victory."

Lifting Sanctions: Did It Help or Hurt?

Despite the disputed election results, Latin America experts give the Biden administration some credit for at least trying to negotiate and giving Venezuela's opposition a chance. Gamarra said there could have been two other outcomes without the Barbados Agreement: Maduro doesn't hold an election, or he holds one without a real challenger.

Rebecca Hanson, an assistant professor at the University of Florida, pointed out that the usually fragmented opposition actually came together for these elections, which made it harder for Maduro to manipulate the results without being obvious.

The Barbados Agreement forced Maduro's government to show how anti-democratic they are, according to Javier Corrales, a political science professor at Amherst College. He probably wrote a think piece about it.

Gamarra also claimed that the Biden administration provided the "best option" for Venezuela's opposition to oust Maduro, which is basically like saying, "Well, at least we tried something before giving up and letting Maduro ruin the country forever."

Alejandro Velasco, an associate professor at New York University, noted that the government was surprised by the opposition's unity, which is probably the only thing Venezuelans can agree on right now.

US-Venezuela Relations: A History of Sanctions and Boycotts

The U.S. and Venezuela haven't gotten along in decades, and sanctions were imposed as far back as 2006. Trump, who loves sanctions almost as much as he loves himself, increased and expanded them to target entire industries, not just individuals.

Over the past decade, Venezuelans have suffered under hyperinflation, shortages of food and medicine, and human rights abuses. As a result, nearly 8 million people have fled the country, but who's counting?

Experts say it's common for countries to negotiate or pressure others with sanctions, and the U.S. has done it with Cuba, Iraq, Nicaragua, and the Balkans, with varying levels of success.

Venezuela Post-Election: Protests, Death, and More Chaos

In the days following the election, Venezuelans took to the streets to protest Maduro's regime, because they clearly love chaos and want to die. At least 11 people have been killed, and over 700 have been detained, according to Foro Penal, a legal assistance nonprofit.

Maria Corina Machado, the opposition leader, is in hiding and probably writing her manifesto or something.

Blinken, in a rare moment of looking like he gives a sh*t, said that threats to arrest opposition leaders are "an undemocratic attempt to repress political participation and retain power." He called for Venezuelan parties to begin talks for a peaceful transition, but let's be real, that's not gonna happen.

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