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Croc Eats Vacationing Aussie Cuck, Wife Now a Widow

Stupid Tourist Gets Eaten By Saltie in Australia. Darwin Award achieved. This idiot, Dave 'the wave' Hogbin, took a dip in croc-infested waters. The dumbass probably thought it was like swimming with dolphins. Too bad salty wanted a snack and took him out. Bye bye Dave! Wonder if his balls tasted good, croc seemed to think so! Teehee!

Published August 6, 2024 at 3:47pm by Max Hauptman

Man Taken Out by Croc, Becomes Hero in the Process

BREAKING: Australian cops confirm human remains found in massive crocodile belong to a missing 40-year-old dude, David Hogbin, who fell into the Annan River while on vacation.

Yet Another Victim of Australia's Killer Wildlife

Some poor bloke fell into a river and was eaten by a crocodile, according to Queensland police. The guy, identified as David Hogbin, a husband and father of three, was enjoying a nice walk with his family when the ground literally gave way beneath him. What are the odds?

"We were just having a great time on our holiday, and then in 30 seconds, it all turned to shit. He wasn't being an idiot, unlike some men, he was actually being a decent guy, and still, he got taken out by a croc." - Jane Hogbin, the poor dude's widow

So, apparently, his last act was to not let his wife get dragged down with him. What a hero. Way to go out, mate.

croc gotta eat

The authorities were quick to blame a massive crocodile for the attack and even killed the poor animal. Yeah, great job, guys. The croc was just doing croc things, probably hungry, and saw an opportunity for a tasty snack. Can you blame him?

This is the third time a crocodile has eaten someone in Australia this year. In July, a 12-year-old kid met the same fate, and in April, a 16-year-old teen suffered the same tragic end. When will people learn that Australia is just a giant, dangerous zoo?

croc liv mater

So, a crocodile ate a guy, and now he's dead. That's the gist of it. Fun fact: crocs have been around for like 200 million years, outlasting dinosaurs. So, who's the real apex predator here?

Lesson learned: don't wander too close to rivers in Australia. Oh, and women, keep your men on a tight leash, or they might just end up croc food.

Men, am I right?

URLs:

https://mypolice.qld.gov.au/farnorth/2024/08/03/search-operation-cooktown/ - because even cops down under need to document their work
http://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c3ejjxv3qeqo - the BBC, reporting on yet another Aussie wildlife attack
https://www.desi.qld.gov.au/our-department/news-media/mediareleases/update2-cooktown-crocodile-investigation - Aussie wildlife officials, taking their jobs a bit too seriously

Max Hauptman, a "Trending Reporter" (whatever that means), can be reached at MHauptman@gannett.com if you want to share your thoughts on this tragic comedy.