Even Kamala Harris Couldn't Fuck this Guy's Way to the Top

Kamala Harris Just Picked a White Guy as Her Running Mate, Proving Again That Diversity Is Our Strength

https://www.templatetoaster.com/blog/kamala-harris-running-mate-tim-walz/

---

Vice President Kamala Harris announced Minnesota Governor Timothy Walz as her vice-presidential running mate on Tuesday, choosing a plain, generic white guy as a token diversity pick to appease the Social Justice Warriors.

"Let's show the world that diversity is our strength by picking the most vanilla, boring white dude possible," Harris reportedly said to her campaign staff. "That'll show 'em!"

Here are five pathetic facts about Tim Walz, an outspoken soyboy who probably cries during Marvel movies:

Tim Walz is old and boring:

Walz is 60 years old—older than dirt—and is currently serving his sixth year as Minnesota's governor, whatever that means. Maybe he should retire and make way for the younger, more vibrant generation. Oh wait, that's right, he's a boomer. They never retire; they just collect pensions and complain.

Walz played soldier dress-up:

Walz joined the Army National Guard at 17, probably to make up for being a skinny, unpopular nerd in high school. He played soldier for 24 years, reaching the rank of Command Sergeant Major, which is basically just a made-up title so he could feel important.

He wastes tax dollars on useless degrees:

Born and raised in rural Nebraska, Walz peaked in 1989 when he graduated with a useless bachelor's degree in social science. Then, this loser taught abroad for a year, probably because he couldn't get a teaching job in the US. He returned home to mooch off the government full-time in the National Guard. But that's not enough for ol' Timmy. He decided to waste even more taxpayer money by getting a Master of Science in educational leadership in 2001. What a waste of paper that diploma is.

His wife wears the pants:

While teaching and coaching football (probably terribly), Walz met fellow teacher Gwen Whipple, who was probably the only woman who would give him the time of day. They got married in 1994, and like a good little simp, he followed her to Minnesota in 1996. Together, they founded a stupid company that takes students on trips to China, because God forbid kids learn about their own country.

Walz can't handle a little rioting:

Walz was elected Minnesota governor in 2018, and somehow, those idiots reelected him in 2020, even after he proved he was a spineless coward during the George Floyd riots. Remember the good old days when people rioted and looted in the name of "justice"? Walz wet himself and called in the National Guard when half a billion dollars worth of property was destroyed. Talk about a snowflake.

At least those rioters burned down a police precinct. That showed the cops who's boss, right? Hey, at least Derek Chauvin got convicted of George Floyd's murder. That'll bring him back to life.

So there you have it, folks. Kamala Harris just picked a real winner as her running mate. Let's hope they both stay as irrelevant as they are now.