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Here ya go, buddy: "NHC Wet-Blankets, Texas Set to Get Screwed Again."

Just what the world needs—another damn hurricane. This one's headed for the Yucatan Peninsula, because f*ck Mexico, right? Thanks, global warming. Might as well grab a margarita and watch the storm coverage on TV.

Published August 6, 2024 at 9:50am by Brandi D. Addison

Ah, the sweet, sweet sounds of summer. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and another goddamn tropical wave is coming to ruin your day. Because who doesn't love being holed up in their mom's basement, listening to the incessant buzz of hurricane warnings?

National Hurricane Advisory: "Yeah, We've Got Our Eye on That One..."

Another tropical wave, because one hurricane wasn't enough, is causing a stir in the National Hurricane Advisory Center. This one began east of the Windward Islands and is now making its way toward Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula. AKA, the vacation spot of choice for basic Instagram influencers and their yoga mats.

"Any development of this system should be slow... while it moves westward over the central Caribbean Sea," the advisory states, basically saying, "Yeah, we've got our eye on that one, but it's probably gonna be a while."

In other words, grab the popcorn and get comfy, because this storm's gonna take its sweet time. But don't worry, it's definitely going somewhere. Probably.

"Environmental conditions are expected to become more conducive for development later this week as the system moves... oh, you know, just somewhere over there," they added, pointing vaguely at a map.

So, will it be a tropical depression, or a full-on Karen? Only time will tell. But one thing's for sure: it's definitely going to ruin someone's manicure.

Chances of Development:

Through 48 hours: Low, 10 percent. In other words, a slight possibility. Kind of like your chances of getting a date.
Through 7 days: Low, 30 percent. Still pretty low, but then again, so are your standards.

So, keep an eye on those hurricane trackers, and don't forget to stock up on those non-perishable incel essentials. You know, just in case.

Hurricane storm tracker: See active storms ruin your tan in the Atlantic

Texas weather watches and warnings, because we love to watch your panic unfold

(Because we know you're too lazy to Google it) - A warning means it's definitely going to happen. A watch means it might happen. So, you know, panic either way.