Federal Judge, State of Texas Waste Everyone's Time with Vague Lawsuit Over Useless River Obstacle

Buoy, oh Buoy! Abbott's Ridiculous Stunt to Deter Immigration Won't Float

The federal judge presiding over the Rio Grande buoy lawsuit had a stunning revelation: the case will likely go to the Supreme Court. What a waste of time!

"This case will end up in the Supreme Court," said Senior U.S. District Judge David Allan Ezra, stating the obvious to a bunch of lawyers in Austin.

The trial, originally set for this week, has been postponed until November thanks to the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals' split ruling. These geniuses decided that the buoys, meant to deter illegal immigration, can stay put for now.

Ezra, scratching his head, noted that the appeals court judges offered conflicting legal justifications for their decision. Now, he and the lawyers have to decipher these opinions and figure out what the hell they mean for the trial.

Adding to the circus, the Texas attorney general's office wants a jury trial. Ezra doesn't see the point and suspects they just want to delay. Shocking! Meanwhile, he's ruled that the buoys should move to the Texas shoreline, but not be removed completely, to save taxpayers money. You know, in case a higher court wants to waste more money by ordering them back into the river.

At the heart of this mess is Governor Greg Abbott, who ordered these buoys as a grand gesture to repel the so-called "invasion" of undocumented immigrants. Abbott, the tough-talking hero, vowed to take this fight to the Supreme Court. What a badass!

URLS:

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greg_Abbott_(politician)
• https://www.supremecourt.gov/