Trendy Hipster Bar The Lost Well is Closing, Which Means a Bunch of Nerds in Leather Jackets and Their Fake-Tattooed Girlfriends Are About to Cry Their Emo Eyes Out

“It’s the end of times,” said founder Marcello Murphy, probably with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

No, Literally, the Bar is Closing Because They Can’t Afford the Rent. Like, at All.

You know that place where all the edgy kids hang out and pretend to be punks while drinking $15 cocktails? Well, it’s shutting down because the rent is $3.5 million or some other ridiculous number. The owner, Raul Aguilar, basically gave them the middle finger and said, “buy it or get out.”

The Bar is Like, Super Welcoming and Stuff, According to the Hipsters

The Lost Well, founded by husband-and-wife duo Marcello and Tasha Murphy, is described as a “dive bar abuzz with the leather-clad lexicon of punks with piercings.” In other words, it’s where all the kids who listened to My Chemical Romance in high school go to feel cool. Beyond its intimidating exterior (aka it looks sketchy as f*ck), it’s actually super welcoming, according to the regulars, aka the kids who never left their goth phase.

Oh, and Some Folk Hero Named Chad Holt Who Was in a Documentary Died and They Mourned Him or Whatever

Chad Holt, some guy who was apparently a folk hero, died and they had a memorial for him at this bar. He’s even on the mural outside, so he must’ve been a big deal to the barflies.

“Business people don’t have hearts, they just have wallets,” whined Murphy. “[Raul Aguilar’s] tagline is ‘it’s not personal, it’s just business,’ so there’s really no talking about it.”

So Basically, These Hipsters Are Treating This Bar Closure Like it’s the End of the World

These kids are acting like their dog died or something. They’re all gathering together to mourn the loss of their little hangout spot. Get over it, snowflakes.

But Don’t Worry, They’re Still Finding a Way to Make Money Off of This

The owners are celebrating their final anniversary on August 9 with commemorative shirts that probably say something dumb like, “The Lost Well: Est. 2011 - RIP 2022.” They’ve even set up a GoFundMe to milk their customers for every last dollar.

“I’ve never felt so much love in my life. I’m so happy to have had this opportunity, and I’m proud of that,” said Murphy, probably with a single tear rolling down his cheek again.

So there you have it, Austin. Another hipster bar bites the dust. Grab your tissues and mourn the loss, or don’t and go find a better bar without $15 cocktails. Your choice.