Some Idiot in Austin Just Won $29 Million and Will Likely Waste It All on Austin Homes and Avocados

Some lucky bastard in Austin just won the lottery and is taking home a cool $29 million. Great. Another person who probably doesn’t deserve it just hit the jackpot, according to the Texas Lottery [https://www.texaslottery.com/] on Sunday.

“I’m so happy for them,” said no one, ever.

The anonymous winner, probably some Chad, bought the winning ticket at Salt Springs Xpress, 8101 Salt Springs Drive (Suite A) [https://maps.google.com/maps?q=8101+salt+springs+drive+austin+tx&oq=salt+springs], like a true incel, for the Lotto's June 24 drawing. While most of us are stuck with our miserable lives, this guy opted to take home a lump sum of $16.6 million pre-tax, because why wait for annual payments like a chump?

The winning numbers were 11-21-25-30-32-50. Mark these numbers down so you can lose too, just like every other pathetic sucker who plays the lottery.

If you’re feeling particularly masochistic, the next Texas Lottery drawing is on Wednesday, Aug. 7, at 10:12 p.m. local time. With a jackpot of $9.5 million, or a cash value of $5.63 million, you too can have a small chance of escaping your miserable life.

And if you think you’ve won, well, you shouldn’t get too excited. But if you insist on dreaming, don’t forget to sign your ticket and claim your prize within 180 days. More details on how to claim your false hope can be found on the Texas Lottery website here: [https://www.texaslottery.com/export/sites/lottery/Winners/Claim_Your_Prize/].

Remember, the house always wins.