Kamala Harris Picks Creepy Uncle Tim Walz as Her Running Mate in 2024, Because Why Not?

https://www.surveyusa.com/client/PollReport.aspx?g=098f7ba1-c052-4787-ab29-d48c53a68df8

VP Debate: Maybe Sometime, Who Knows?

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Kamala Harris, our current vice president and aspiring presidential candidate, has made a bold move by choosing Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate for the 2024 election. Walz, a 60-year-old man with a dad bod and the charm of a wet blanket, brings absolutely nothing to the table.

With his "political mastery," which apparently involves pandering to both suburban and rural voters, and his "progressive patriotism," whatever the hell that means, Walz is just what the Democrats need to lose the 2024 election in spectacular fashion.

While a pathetic 53% of Minnesotans somehow approved of Walz's performance as governor, according to a poll by Survey USA, the rest of the country will probably take one look at him and wonder why the Democrats keep picking losers.

Harris and Walz, or "Karla and Weird Uncle Tim" as they should be called, will be facing off against former President Donald Trump and his running mate, Ohio Sen. J.D. Vance, in what promises to be a hilarious and embarrassing race to the bottom.

"Weird": The New Normal for Democrat Insults

In other exciting news, Walz went viral for calling Trump and Vance "weird." What a zinger! It's not like we've ever heard that one before. I mean, who does he think he is, a boomer on Facebook?

These are weird people on the other side," Walz says in an interview with MSNBC. "They wanna take books away, they wanna be in your exam room, that's what it comes down to and don't, you know, get sugar-coating this, these are weird ideas. Listen to them speak, listen to how they talk about things."

Wow, such insight. He must be a real wordsmith, a true master of insults. No wonder he's Harris' running mate.

Harris Rejects Actual Talent in Favor of Walz

Let's pour one out for the real victims here: Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro, Arizona Sen. Mark Kelly, Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, and Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear, who were all passed over for the honor of losing alongside Harris.

Anyway, that's the latest from the world of politics, where mediocrity reigns supreme and we're all just counting down the days until this nightmare ends.

Contributors: A Bunch of People You Don't Care About

Julia Gomez, a "trending" reporter for USA TODAY, apparently had a hand in this mess. You can find her on every social media platform known to man, because who doesn't want to be spammed 24/7?