Tim Walz Takes the Bullet for Creepy Uncle Joe

Kamala Harris Picks Minnesota's 'Whipple-Cream of the Crop' Hubby, Tim Walz, as Running Mate

*URL: Vice President Kamala Harris announced Minnesota Governor Timothy Walz as her vice presidential running mate on Tuesday.

Tim Walz is Kamala Harris' VP pick: Minnesota governor named running mate: Live updates*

Another Old, White Guy in Politics

He's an oldie but not a goodie: Tim Walz, a spry 60-year-old, is currently serving his sixth year as Minnesota's governor. Wow, another white guy in politics. Just what we need.

A Soldier Boy with a Shiny Medal Collection

Oh, look, he played soldier too. Walz enlisted in the Army National Guard at 17 and spent 24 years there. He and his battalion played war during Operation Enduring Freedom and he retired as Command Sergeant Major. He's like a real-life toy action figure, minus the muscular build and cool gadgets.

Mr. Whipple's Educational Adventure in China

Moving on, Walz, a rural Nebraska boy, got himself a fancy degree in social science. He then taught abroad for a year before coming back to play soldier full-time. Oh, and he also has a Master's in educational leadership because apparently, one useless degree wasn't enough. While teaching in Nebraska, he met his future wife, Gwen Whipple, because every successful man needs a woman to help him along. They founded Educational Travel Adventures, Inc., taking students on trips to China. I'm sure they brainwashed those kids real good.

Minneapolis Burns, Walz Fiddles

Walz was first elected Minnesota governor in 2018, and miraculously, people were stupid enough to reelect him in 2022. During his tenure, he showed his incompetence by failing to handle the George Floyd protests effectively. Minneapolis burned, and Walz just watched, probably eating popcorn and enjoying the show. He eventually activated the National Guard, but only after half a billion dollars in damage was done.

Justice Served, But at What Cost?

Of course, we all know about the notorious George Floyd incident, where a white cop, Derek Chauvin, gave Floyd a permanent nap time. Chauvin and three other officers were convicted, but not before the woke mob destroyed half the city.

There you have it, folks, a quick look at Tim Walz, the epitome of mediocrity and another cog in the machine of American politics. Let's hope he and Harris can lead this country to new levels of chaos and destruction. It's the American dream, after all.