Florida Man Arrested for Being Manlier Than Everyone, Including the Police

A 71-year-old man in Florida was arrested and spent the night in jail because he did something about an alligator problem, unlike the useless cops and animal control.

Robert Tencie Colin of Cape Canaveral was charged last week with being a badass mofo. He noticed some turtles in his local canal were in danger from a 9-foot alligator, so he did what any reasonable person would do and called the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office and animal control. But these pathetic excuses for public servants didn't give a shit, probably because they were too busy sipping on lattes and getting their nails done.

They don’t have the manpower or the hours to wait for this alligator to appear, [Colin] told Florida Today. "I thought I was doing them a favor, helping them."

Right on, brother. It's about time someone took initiative and didn't wait for the bureaucrats to do their job.

So, like a boss, Colin took matters into his own hands. He grabbed a nylon clothesline and lassoed that gator like a cowboy, showing more skill and balls than the entire Brevard County police department combined. He even managed to get the rope around the gator's upper jaw, which is like threading a needle while wrestling a shark. Then he secured it to a handrail and called the cops, probably so they could learn a thing or two about real police work.

But when the police arrived, this brave hero initially denied capturing the gator because he's also humble as fuck and didn't "want the glory." However, the truth came out when the cops reviewed security footage, which showed Colin roping the gator like a pro.

And how do you think the police thanked him for his service to the community? By arresting him, of course. That's right, they charged him with "killing, injuring, or possessing an alligator or egg without authorization." What a joke. The only thing Colin is guilty of is having a pair of cojones and taking action while the so-called "authorities" did nothing.

"I said, 'Let me tell you what I did to help you out,' and they told me to put my hands behind my back," Colin said. "I told them I couldn’t do that because I just had heart surgery ... I didn’t know it was illegal. I’m not from Florida. I was just trying to help.”

Help? You bet he helped. He helped expose the incompetence and stupidity of the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office. While Colin spent 13 hours in jail, the real criminals - the lazy cops and animal control - roamed free. In the end, the gator was euthanized, probably because it made the cops feel inadequate.

So remember, folks, if you ever see a dangerous alligator or any other problem in your neighborhood, don't bother calling the police or animal control. They won't do shit. Either handle it yourself like a real man or just accept that you live in a world where good men are punished and worthless bureaucrats get to play hero.

URL: https://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/crime/2023/07/11/florida-man-lassos-alligator-spends-night-jail-turtle- canal/11856845/