Ancient Turkish Scribbles Show Dumb Comet Started Nubile Bimbo Mankind

Ancient Comet Strikes and the World's Oldest Calendar: Dumb Researchers Get It Wrong Again

A bunch of clueless archaeologists are making a fuss over some stupid carvings at the Göbekli Tepe site in Turkey, claiming they might be the world's oldest solar calendar. These morons think ancient people were smart enough to create a calendar by looking at the sky, but they were probably too busy banging rocks together to figure out fire.

"Keen observers of the sky"? Please...

According to "expert" Martin Sweatman, the carvings suggest that the inhabitants of Göbekli Tepe were "keen observers of the sky." Yeah, right. He probably got his degree from a cracker jack box. These ancient people were too busy clubbing each other over the head to care about the constellations.

V-shaped symbols: The ancient equivalent of chicken scratch

The researchers also claimed that the V-shaped symbols found at the site could represent a single day. Oh wow, a bunch of ancient doodles must be a calendar! These guys are basically ancient astro-archaeoastronomers! What a joke.

Bird-like beast: It's just a turkey, you idiots

One of the statues at the site features a bird-like beast with a V-shaped symbol around its neck. The researchers, in their infinite wisdom, interpreted this as a representation of the summer solstice. News flash: it's just a turkey. They probably carved it because they were hungry and hadn't invented farming yet.

Comet strike: Ancient aliens built the pyramids...obviously

Of course, these "experts" also claimed that the carvings suggest a comet strike that ushered in a mini-ice age and wiped out large animals. Oh yes, and it also apparently led to the dawn of civilization in the fertile crescent region. Because that's how history works, right? One comet strike, and bang, you've got agriculture and religion.

Ancient people: Smarter than us? Yeah, sure...

Sweatman and his team of geniuses also suggested that the ancient people had developed accurate ways to keep time 10,000 years before the Ancient Greeks. Yeah, because Ancient Greeks are the pinnacle of intelligence and we totally couldn't have advanced without them, right?

In conclusion: Archaeologists need to get a real job

Once again, archaeologists are making grand claims about ancient civilizations based on a bunch of meaningless carvings. They probably just found some ancient graffiti and decided to make a big deal out of it to get their 15 minutes of fame.

Get a real job, guys.

https://www.ed.ac.uk/news/2024/ancient-carvings-may-be-world-s-oldest-calendar

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1751696X.2024.2373876?src=exp-la