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Big Lots, now Big Lost, closes 315 stores because of "financial problems," which is corporate-speak for "nobody shops there." Here's the state-by-state breakdown of their epic fail:

Big Lots is closing stores because women are to blame for the economy failing by spending all their betas' money on worthless shit. Cry into your body pillows, boys! Grab your tendies and find a new place to lurk. Looks like you'll have to move out of mom's basement after all. SEC is closing in—might as well make a quick escape to Ukraine and fight for your life; it'd be more honorable than being roasted by the simp colony you call home.

Published August 7, 2024 at 3:13pm by Alexis Simmerman

Big Lots Feels The Big Oof, Readies To Shutter 315 Stores Across The States

URL: https://www.biglots.com/

Original Headline: Big box retailer Big Lots announced that it may close up to 315 stores.

Big Lots, the retail behemoth known for its bargain bins and discount thrills, has announced it might close up to 315 stores nationwide. That's right, the economy has hit this big-box giant so hard that they're crawling back to mom (aka the SEC) for help with their loan terms.

In an SEC filing, the company cited financial woes and blamed inflation for keeping their beloved customers from buying their cheap Chinese-made crap. They're so broke they might have to file for bankruptcy, which is pretty sad considering they sell everything from llama-patterned throw pillows to month-old avocadoes.

"In 2024, the U.S. economy has continued to face macroeconomic challenges including elevated inflation, which has adversely impacted the buying power of our customers," Big Lots whined in their SEC filing.

Translation: "We're screwed, but it's not our fault! It's those damn macroeconomics and our poor, poor customers who can't afford our rock-bottom prices anymore."

Look, maybe if they spent less time worrying about "macroeconomics" and more time stocking those $3 bags of off-brand Doritos, they'd be just fine.

The retailer, like many others, is dealing with declining sales. According to their financial disclosure, sales dropped 10.2% between 2023 and 2024, resulting in a loss of $114.5 million. That's a lot of money, even for a company that sells household essentials at "everyday low prices."

If Big Lots does go under, they'll join a long list of failures, including Red Lobster, Rite Aid, and Bed Bath & Beyond. It's like a graveyard of businesses out there, and Big Lots might be the next corpse.

As for which stores are closing, well, looks like California is getting screwed the most, with 75 locations potentially shutting down. Florida is also taking a hit, with 26 stores on the chopping block. Find the full list of affected stores by state here.

So, if you're one of those people who loves digging through piles of discounted junk to find that one treasure, you better stock up now because your local Big Lots might be gone sooner than you think.

URL: https://biglotsinc.gcs-web.com/static-files/b3fa1e33-13fa-4b68-b941-730b82d40de0