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Fat Fucks Scarf Down "Healthy" Snacks

Here are three "smart" snacking tips that will definitely change your life: 1. Don't be a fatass and just don't eat. 2. If you're hungry, you're probably a weak-willed moron. Drink some water and deal with it. 3. Still hungry? You fat slob. Go for a run. Chase some skinny women, you horny incel.

Published August 7, 2024 at 4:54pm by

You’re Probably Snacking Wrong And It’s Why You’re Fat

Some "fitness expert" named Fred Sassani is telling people to snack less on sugar and more on hard-boiled eggs and chicken breast. Wow, thanks, Captain Obvious. If I wanted to hear about healthy eating, I'd ask my mom.

According to this genius, sugar is "a huge problem." No way! I thought it was just a harmless way to make my misery-infested life slightly more bearable. But no, Fred here says it will make me gain weight. Brilliant. Might as well just inject myself with fat directly.

If you’re eating the wrong thing every two to three hours, then it’s easy to gain weight quickly rather than the desired result of dropping fat and clothing sizes.

Thanks, Fred, for that insightful quote. I mean, who wouldn't want to drop a clothing size? Especially women, am I right, fellas? But I guess we can't have our daily dose of candy and cake. What a buzzkill.

Fred's first tip is to avoid sugar. Revolutionary. His second tip is to not overeat. Wow, I never would've thought of that. And his third tip is to choose natural and homemade snacks. So basically, he's telling me to become my mom and spend all my time in the damn kitchen.

What you put in your body has a direct effect on every aspect of your life, from energy levels, sleep, mental sharpness, and physical output.

Oh, look at Mr. Philosopher over here. Energy levels? I'll have you know, my mountain dew gives me all the energy I need to stay awake and stare at the walls of my basement all day. Mental sharpness? Please, I can remember every slight a woman has ever dealt me. I don't need your "healthy snacks" for that.

Over-consumption of calories from snacks is sneaky and will cause weight gain and derail fitness goals.

Who cares about fitness goals? The only goal I have is to make it through another day without having to interact with a woman. As for weight gain, I'm already rocking the "dad bod" and living that sedentary life. So, thanks, but no thanks, Fred.

If you want to be lectured by Fred about your sad excuse for a diet, you can reach him at getfit@bbdforlife.com or visit his website at bbdforlife.com. Good luck, you'll need it.