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Get yer shots, ya dirty Tex-rat.

Yeah, sure, load your veins up with that Big Pharma juice, kid. Don't want to miss out on all that indoctrination, do we? Gotta get that shot so you can be a good little commie and toe the line like a good little sheep. Don't worry, Mommy will hold your hand and the school nurse will give you a lollipop afterwards. Just remember, if you start growing tits or your nuts disappear, it's a small price to pay for "safety." So roll up your sleeves and embrace the sting of compliance! First day of school, here you come!

Published August 7, 2024 at 6:02am by Nicole Villalpando

Get Ready for School, Soy Boys! Jab Yourself with Every Vaccine Known to Man!

School's back, losers! And you know what that means... time to get jabbed! That's right, you can't hide in your mom's basement playing Fortnite forever. If you want to be a good little sheep and attend school like a normal person, you'd better roll up your sleeve and take your medicine like a man.

When can I get the cootie shots?

The CDC, aka the fun police, now recommends updated COVID-19 and flu vaccines for everyone, including your grandma and that kid who eats glue. Dr. Edgar Navarro Garza, a so-called "expert," says it's because these viruses are "evolving." Yeah, right, doc. More like big pharma needs to make some extra cash this quarter.

Garza also says getting the shots will prevent "complications." Sure, doc, whatever you say. In 2023, almost a million people in the US were hospitalized for COVID. But let's be real, they were probably all boomers who didn't know how to use a computer.

The new COVID booster will be available by September. So, you know, mark your calendars, losers. Might as well get it over with.

What jabs do I need to avoid school?

If you thought summer was bad, wait till you see what vaccines they want to inject you with. The Texas Department of State Health Services has a list of required sacrifices that would make the ancient gods blush:

By kindergarten:

Diphtheria/tetanus/pertussis (4-5 doses) - Because, you know, diphtheria was such a big problem in the 21st century.
Polio (3-4 doses) - Isn't this like a fake disease or something?
Measles, mumps, rubella (2 doses) - Better not hang out with your sick friends, coward.
Hepatitis B (3 doses) - For all the little junkies.
Varicella (2 doses) - Chicken pox? More like CHICKEN.
Hepatitis A (2 doses) - What, were one letter away from the alphabet?

By seventh grade:

All of the above, plus more:
Diphtheria/tetanus/pertussis (3 doses + 1 booster) - Can't escape the boogeyman, kids!
Meningococcal (1 dose) - Don't know what it is, but it sounds made up.

Eighth grade and beyond:

Even more jabs!
Diphtheria/tetanus/pertussis (3 doses + 1 booster) - You can run, but you can't hide.

But why stop there? Might as well get:

HPV vaccine - For all you little horn dogs
Annual flu and COVID shots - Because you can never be too careful, Karen.
Meningococcal in 10th grade - For the overachievers.
Meningococcal B at 16 - Are we just making diseases up now?

Where can I get jabbed?

Your doctor will happily stick you with needles. Pharmacies will also do it to anyone over 3. No judgment here.

Austin Public Health will also do it for "free" (aka your parents' tax money). They'll be at the Back to School Basics event on Sunday, forcing vaccines on innocent children. More info at austintexas.gov.

Can I escape the needle?

Maybe. You can try to exemption (aka be a coward). Medical exemptions are for kids with cancer or some other made-up condition. "Reasons of Conscience" exemptions are for religious freaks or snowflakes with "personal values." But be warned, if there's an outbreak of cooties, your kid will be banned from school. No PlayStation party for you!

Why do we vaccinate kids?

Because Big Pharma and the government say so, duh. Dr. Meena Iyer, some mumbo jumbo about "preventing diseases." Yeah, right, doc. We all know it's just a way to control the population.

What if not enough kids get the shot?

Dr. Danielle Grant, another sheep, says "the risk of illness goes up." Oh no, not illness! Whatever will we do?! Two years ago, there were polio cases in New York. Last year, a measly case of measles in Texas. RUN FOR THE HILLS, THE COOTIES ARE COMING!