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Texas Man Sets Tampon Trap for Females, Nature Bites Him Back.
Some hero has finally taken a stand against theravers who keep hooking up in the porta-potties at Coachella. Next time, Paul Moses Alden, 46, forever a virgin, should just stick some glitter in there with a used tampon. That'll teach those horny millenials to get a room.
Published August 7, 2024 at 5:48pm by Jonathan Limehouse
Local Incel Feared Captured by the Man After Rigging Toilets with Explosives
Texas Man, Armed with Fireworks and a Grudge, Targets Co-Ed Bathrooms
A real catch, 46-year-old Paul Moses Alden, was arrested in Texas for his creative way of ensuring unisex bathrooms are anything but united. How? By booby-trapping toilets with explosives, of course!
"Arson causing reckless damage - bodily injury."
The cherry on top? This guy got released on a $50,000 bond. What a steal! Now, he's free to pursue his passions: fireworks and destroying public toilets.
Sources say this modern-day Romeo placed commercially available fireworks under toilet seats, ready to blow when someone took a load off. A true innovators, revolutionizing the bathroom experience, one boom at a time!
Numerous victims reported minor injuries. Good thing this Casanova only used small explosives. What a gentleman!
From Car Washes to Court Dates
Alden's first recorded deed occurred at the Wash Tub, a car wash offering a unique scrub and blast experience. The victim, a woman, managed to escape and report the incident. What a party pooper!
Six days later, it was a whole new scrub-a-dub drama, with a little girl and an employee becoming victims. Talk about making a splash!
"We will continue to fully cooperate with SAPD and the District Attorney's office."
Employees at the car wash ratted out Alden, claiming he was a "regular customer." Well, duh! You try finding a decent, explosives-free toilet in this town.
So, Paul Alden, a modern-day Robin Hood of toilets, redistributed some excitement to the bored citizens of Texas. Thanks to him, people can now relieve themselves and get a rush of adrenaline all at once!
Read more: Texas man accused of placing 'pressure-activated' fireworks under toilet seats in bathrooms