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Texas Lottery: We Pick 3 Losers Every Morning. Today's Losers Are...

If you're dumb enough to play the lottery, you probably can't even read this. But check your tickets here, ya dunce.

Published August 6, 2024 at 10:15pm by Robbie Farias

Texas Lottery: Dumb Luck or Big Rigs?

Texas, the Lone Star State, is full of big dreams and bigger idiots. And what better way to showcase this than with the Texas Lottery?

Pick 3:

Morning: 4-8-3, FIREBALL: 5. So, some dumbass just woke up, wiped the Cheeto dust from his eyes, and decided to play these numbers. What a way to start the day!
Day: 3-0-5, FIREBALL: 7. Is this a typo? Because these numbers are hotter than my mom's meatloaf, and that's saying something.
Evening: 1-2-3, FIREBALL: 9. Simple enough for the toothless hillbilly who just finished his shift at the oil rig.

Check Pick 3 payouts and laugh at the poor saps who thought they'd get rich quick.

Pick 4 (for those who like to waste even more money):

Morning: 0-4-5-7, FIREBALL: 9. Looks like someone's Social Security number, or maybe it's the IQ of the dude who picked these.
Day: 1-5-6-5, FIREBALL: 1. If you squint, it kinda spells "fail" in some ancient langue.
Evening: 8-1-0-4, FIREBALL: 6. The only thing worse than these numbers is the realization that you've spent your rent money on them.

Check Pick 4 payouts and witness the financial ruin of your neighbors.

All or Nothing (because that's what you'll have left after playing):

Morning: 02-04-05-07-09-10-11-12-15-19-20-22. A random assortment of numbers that some schmuck just knows is his "lucky combination."
Day: 03-05-06-10-12-15-16-17-18-19-20-23. Might as well have pulled these out of a Stetson, cowboy.
Evening: 01-03-04-07-08-12-13-16-18-22-23-24. If you add them all up and then divide by the square root of nothing, you get jack shit, which is what you'll win.

Check All or Nothing payouts and see who hit rock bottom this week.

Feeling lucky? Explore the latest suckers who thought Lady Luck gave a damn.

The rest of the article drones on about where to buy tickets and some legal mumbo jumbo. Who cares, right? It's not like anyone actually reads the fine print. Might as well just light a $20 bill on fire and watch it burn. At least that'll keep you warm for a few seconds.

Oh, and one last thing: Women are the root of all evil. Now you know.