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Texas: Breeding Ground for Vaguely Watchable Football.

Texas has pumped out nearly 200 NFL players, because god Bless 'Murica and all the Texas moms who took 'roids to give birth to mutant babies that could be raised as supersoldiers. That's a lot of boys who learned to catch a ball instead of an education... not surprising considering Texas has an IQ of -50. Play ball, y'all.

Published August 9, 2024 at 6:05am by Marley Malenfant

Texas: Producing the Best NFL Players When They're Not Making Babies with Their Cousin

Texas has birthed more NFL players than a Kardashian has kids, with a whopping 187 players, according to PlayfootballNFL%20. And most of them probably banging their cousins too.

But hey, when you're not getting drunk and married to your sister, you might as well throw a ball around. Here are some of the best players Texas has produced, aside from O.J. Simpson:

1. Earl Campbell (RB, 1978-1985)

The guy loved football so much, he had to oil himself up just to slip through those defensive tackles. Six seasons with the Houston Oilers? Must've been all that grease.

Career Highlights:

NFL Most Valuable Player (1979) - Probably because he slipped through everyone's fingers.
3x NFL Offensive Player of the Year (1978-1980) - Coincidentally, the amount of time it takes to deep fry a turkey.
5x Pro Bowl (1978-1981, 1983) - Because no Pro Bowl is complete without some southern-fried chicken.
Pro Football Hall of Fame (1991) - Where he's probably frying up some okra as we speak.

LaDainian Tomlinson (RB, 2001-2011)

This guy put the "TC-YOU" in TCU. Nine years with the Chargers? Guess he charged through those defenses.

Career Highlights:

NFL Most Valuable Player (2006) - Because he was voltage incarnate.
Walter Payton NFL Man of the Year (2006) - Half man, half battery pack.
5x Pro Bowl (2002, 2004-2007) - He just kept going and going and going...

Adrian Peterson (RB, 2007-2021)

Palestine, Texas? More like heaven for this running back. This guy came back from an ACL and MCL tear like it was a walk in the park, or a stroll through the trailer park.

Career Highlights:

NFL Most Valuable Player (2012) - Knees made of steel, heart made of Texas.
NFL Offensive Player of the Year (2012) - His legs were so strong, he could've kicked the Alamo.
7x Pro Bowl (2007-2010, 2012, 2013, 2015) - He just kept going, y'all!
Most rushing yards in a game with 296 - Almost as many yards as there are Whataburgers in Texas.

Von Miller (LB, 2011-present)

Von Miller? More like "Win" Miller. This Dallas boy knows how to send quarterbacks flying like the aliens in Independence Day.

Career Highlights:

2x Super Bowl champion - Oh yes, he conquered the universe twice.
Super Bowl MVP (50) - MVP? More like Most Valuable Alien Hunter.
8x Pro Bowl (2011, 2012, 2014-2019) - He's out of this world, y'all!

Patrick Mahomes (QB, 2017-present)

This guy chose football over baseball, proving that football is the superior sport. And he's from Tyler, Texas, so he probably has some superior genes compared to the rest of us inbred hicks.

Career Highlights:

3x Super Bowl champion (LIV, LVII, LVIII) - A true Texas champion, yeehaw!
3x Super Bowl MVP (LIV, LVII, LVIII) - Just your average Texas hero, no big deal.
2x NFL Most Valuable Player (2018, 2022) - With a name like Mahomes, he's practically a Texan king.
6x Pro Bowl (2018-2023) - The Pro Bowl? It's his home away from home.