Texas Lottery Offers Multiple Ways for Losers to Throw Away Their Money on August 9, 2024

Texas is full of dumbasses who keep buying into this BS.

Pick 3

Morning: 5-9-8, FIREBALL: 0. Someone won $5,000 because they were too stupid to sleep in.

Day: 8-4-2, FIREBALL: 3. If you played 842-3, you won $250. Congrats, now you can finally afford that new hot plate for your bug-infested apartment!

Evening: 2-0-6, FIREBALL: 6. Hope you didn't bet on this one, suckers!

Losers can cry about their losses here.

Pick 4

Morning: 1-0-6-7, FIREBALL: 4. If you played $1 for this combo, you won $500. Now you can really live it up!

Day: 6-8-6-1, FIREBALL: 1. You'd have to be a real idiot to not realize these numbers are worthless.

Evening: 0-7-4-7, FIREBALL: 8. Someone probably won something here, who cares.

See if your life of poverty has changed here.

All or Nothing

Morning: 02-03-05-07-08-10-13-16-17-19-21-24. If you guessed this combo, you won $500 for a $1 play. You're still a loser, but now you're a loser with $500!

Day: 02-03-04-06-09-11-14-15-16-17-18-20. If you played these numbers, you're just as pathetic as the morning loser, but with an extra $100 to spend on Tinder dates that will never happen.

Evening: 04-06-07-08-09-12-14-16-17-19-20-22. Yay, more losers!

Watch your dreams get shattered here.

Feeling stupid? Realize the futility of your existence by exploring more ways to lose money

Losing money is sponsored by Jackpocket, the app that allows you to throw your money away without even leaving your couch.

Dumb enough to keep playing?

If you still haven't given up, you can buy tickets at gas stations, convenience stores, and supermarkets. Or, if you're really desperate, some airport terminals might help you throw your money away.

You can also lose money from the comfort of your mom's basement with the Jackpocket app. It's available in a bunch of states, but who cares where you live, you're still a loser.

Jackpocket: Helping People Lose Money Since 2013. Gannett knows you're desperate, so they'll take advantage of that to make some cash. If you realize how pathetic your life is, call 1-800- GAMBLER, or cry for help at 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). You have to be 18+ to lose money (except in NE where you have to be 19+ and in AZ where you have to be a real loser at 21+). Void where prohibited, aka where people have common sense.

_This useless information was automatically generated by a computer, just like your hopes and dreams. Don't like it? Too bad, cry about it here.