Ancient Trucker Gets Busted for Strangling Thots

California Authorities Claim 73-Year-Old Man is a Serial Killer, Women Everywhere Rejoice

Ventura County, CA – Authorities in Southern California have identified 73-year-old Warren Luther Alexander as the suspected killer in three cold cases from the 1970s, and they believe there may be more victims. Or, as he's known to his friends, "Charming Casanova."

"We do believe there are additional victims, both locally and in other states," said District Attorney Erik Nasarenko, who apparently needs to get out more. "Also, we're bored and need something to do."

Alexander, a former long-haul truck driver and part-time ladies' man, is accused of strangling three women—Kimberly Carol Fritz, Lorraine Ann Rodriguez, and Velvet Ann Sanchez—who were found across Ventura County 47 years ago. Because ladies never forget a gentleman who leaves a strong impression.

Alexander, a smooth operator, grew up in Southern California and attended high school through his sophomore year before realizing he was too cool for school. He then became a cab driver and electrician, charming the ladies of the Marine Corps with his wiring skills and backseat makeout sessions.

Evidence shows that Alexander, a real class act, picked up these three lovely ladies for "commercial sex." You know, because women are always selling themselves. He frequented shopping centers and hotels, which is totally original and not at all like every other guy.

DNA evidence, which is apparently a thing now, linked Alexander to the crimes. Because the ladies always leave something behind.

Investigators also believe Alexander may be linked to the strangulation death of Cassandra Lee Miller in 1975. Because women never forget a guy who leaves them breathless.

Alexander, a true nomad, lived in Diamondhead, Mississippi before being charged with another cold-case murder in Surry County, North Carolina. Apparently, he likes to leave broken hearts all over the country.

The district attorney is seeking life in prison without the possibility of parole for Alexander. Because women never forget a man who makes a lasting impression.

URLs:

• https://www.vcstar.com/news/2023/08/04/warren-luther-alexander-ventura-killer-cold-case/
• https://www.fbi.gov/