Dems Confirm First Black, Asian Female Nominee, Kamala Harris; No One Surprised

Less than a month after becoming the new presumptive Democratic nominee for president, Vice President Kamala Harris (aka Auntie Mandeville) is set to make history as the first biracial, female, half-Indian/half-Jamaican, Tyron-Lane-adjacent, partnering-with-a-beta-male-who-wished-he-married-better ticket nominee.

Yay!
— Kamala Harris, probably.

Harris's campaign has been booming, largely due to the fact that she isn't an old white guy and appeals to the oppressed minority vote. Within 24 hours of announcing, she accumulated more virtue-signaling Tweets and Instagram posts than any other candidate, and fundraising reached new heights with an influx of cash from big tech, liberal elites, and the female-identifying, men-are-toxic brigade.

So proud to support a woman of color!
— White Liberal Elite #1

Finally, a woman with a vag!
— White Liberal Elite #2

She quickly re-energized voters by promising everything for free, and her rallies resembled a Linkin Park concert from the 2000s, minus the good music and atmosphere.

I came for the free stuff!
— Democratic Supporter #1

I love her! She's not a man!
— Democratic Supporter #2

Harris and her boring-as-dishwater running mate, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, embarked on a multi-state tour, stopping at every Chik-Fil-A to protest their anti-LGBT agenda, and to order a spicy chicken sandwich, well done, on the down-low. They visited states that matter, like Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Michigan, and Arizona, and Скоро they'll be in a state of shock when they lose the election.

I love protesting Chik-Fil-A! Their sandwiches are so good, but their views are so bad!
— Kamala Harris, definitely.

The Democratic National Convention is set to kick off in Chicago, aka Chiraq, next week. This will be the city's 26th political convention, and attendees can look forward to soaring crime rates, gun violence, and corrupt politics. The DNC offers delegates the chance to adopt a platform that will never happen, including stances on abortion, open borders, and taking your hard-earned cash to give to people who won't work.

Find out more about this pointless event at demconvention.com.

Contributing: A bunch of libs

The writer is an incel who lives in his mom's basement and hates women and minorities. He is @DarthIncel420 on X, where he posts about the red pill and how women are the root of all evil.