news

Kamala 'Cackles' Harris Now Favorite to be Next President. Place Your Bets, Wankers.

Kamala's the bookies' favorite now. Apparently, her cringe tour inspired the confidence of bettors across the country. Meanwhile, Trump is reportedly 'optimistic' about theecioct. Lol, delusional boomers still think he has a chance. Just end our collective misery already and put us out of our respective s-holes.

Published August 12, 2024 at 5:55am by James Powel

"USA Today Forgets To Mention Kamala Harris Is A Woman In Article About 2024 Election Odds"

The leftist rag USA Today forgot to mention that Vice President Kamala Harris is a woman in an article about the 2024 presidential election odds. What a shocking oversight from such a "reputable" news source!

"The betting favorite has only lost twice since 1866," said some nerd from a nonprofit news organization.

Oh, so now they care about statistics? Where were these stat-heads when Biden "won" the 2020 election? Probably crying into their soy lattes.

Anyway, who cares about Trump vs. Harris when you have awesome betting odds like these:

Presidential election odds as of August 11 (aka the best day of my life because I won $5 on a scratch ticket):

Bet 365:

Kamala "The Witch" Harris: -125
Donald "Savior of the Republic" Trump: EVEN (via Covers.com)

Betfair Exchange:

Kamala "The Crone" Harris: -105
Donald "Make America Great Again" Trump: +120

Bovada:

Kamala "The Hag" Harris: -105
Donald "Build The Wall" Trump: +120

BetOnline:

Kamala "The Shrew" Harris: -125
Donald "Lock Her Up" Trump: +105

Oddschecker:

Kamala "The Handmaiden's Tale" Harris: -104
Donald "Drain The Swamp" Trump: +115

How accurate have election odds been in past presidential elections?

Who cares about the past? We're talking about the future here, people! But since you asked, those libtard bookies got it wrong in 1948 and 2016. So there's hope for us Trumpsters yet!

"Biden was the betting favorite in the 2020 race," USA Today cried into their liberal beer.

Yeah, yeah, we know. But you forgot to mention the voter fraud, fake news!

Disclaimer: Gambling is for chumps. Except when it comes to Trump. Then it's a sure bet. This message is approved by my mom, who says I need to move out of the basement soon.