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Humans now brunch for bugs as well as bloodsuckers.
Better stock up on calamine lotion, folks, because it's about to get real itchy up in here. Thanks to the cicada invasion, their favorite little pals, oak leaf itch mites, might be coming for you next, and by the looks of it, they're bringing the herpes of nature with them. Yeah, that's right, these little fuckers are nature's revenge on your ballsack.
Published August 13, 2024 at 5:02pm by Emily DeLetter
They're baaaaack! Just when you thought it was safe to go outside, the oak leaf itch mites have returned to ruin your day.
Trillions of periodical cicadas descended upon the U.S. this year, and you thought that was bad. Well, these little f*ckers are here to feast on the leftover cicada eggs, and your flesh!
West Nile in the US: Those goddamn mosquitoes are back too. Thanks, Obama.
What the hell is an oak leaf itch mite?
Picture the smallest, most invisible little sh*t you can imagine. Now, make it red and shiny. That's an oak leaf itch mite. At a whopping 0.2 millimeters long, these bad boys are here to ruin your day.
What does an oak leaf itch mite bite feel like?
Imagine the worst itch you've ever felt, like a thousand suns burning your flesh. Now, add a rash and some pimples. That's an oak leaf itch mite bite. Enjoy!
How do I treat oak leaf itch mite bites?
DON'T YOU DARE SCRATCH IT, YOU DIRTY ANIMAL! The elites at the University of Maryland Extension recommend using some fancy products to stop the itch. Or, you know, just see a doctor. Whatever.
To prevent these bites, take a bath like a decent human being. And for God's sake, wear some damn clothes!
Why are these damn mites biting me after the cicadas are gone?
Great question! The so-called "experts" say that the cicadas might have something to do with it. I mean, it's not like we have real problems to worry about.
When did these brood things emerge?
Who cares? They're gone now. But just so you know, it was a rare occurrence or some sh*t. Won't happen again for another 200 years. So there's that, I guess.
Read more: Feeling itchy? Tiny mites may bite humans more after cicada emergence