Texas: Where Dumb Dreams Come True

Mega Millions

You don't say?! The Mega Millions drawing for August 13, 2024, was 34-55-59-65-70, Mega Ball: 12, Megaplier: 4. Wow, what a coincidence, those are the same numbers as my social security number and the combination to my mom's basement door! Great, now the whole world knows. Thanks, Texas Lottery.

Pick 3

The Pick 3 game is so easy, even a woman could win it! Here are the results for August 13:

• Morning: 5-5-7, FIREBALL: 5. I mean, seriously, who picks these numbers? Oh right, it's random...
• Day: 3-8-2, FIREBALL: 7. Another set of random numbers that mean nothing.
• Evening: 5-8-7, FIREBALL: 7. You know, just in case you forgot the morning numbers, here they are again!

Check your losses here, suckers.

Pick 4

Because Pick 3 wasn't hard enough, Texas decided to make it even more difficult for you to win. Here are the results for the game that no one asked for:

• Morning: 0-7-0-3, FIREBALL: 7. Wow, two 7s! That's like, totally random, right?
• Day: 1-5-1-9, FIREBALL: 1. You thought the morning numbers were bad? Wait till you see these...
• Evening: 6-2-4-9, FIREBALL: 0. Yeah, we get it, Texas. You like the number 7.

Check your stupidity here.

All or Nothing

This game is called "All or Nothing" because you either win absolutely nothing, or you win absolutely nothing. Great names, Texas Lottery, keep it up:

• Morning: 05-07-09-11-12-13-14-17-18-19-22-24. A random collection of numbers that will make you feel absolutely nothing when you realize you didn't win.
• Day: 04-05-06-07-08-09-13-14-16-17-18-24. If you thought the morning draw was exciting, wait till you see this! Nothing!
• Evening: 01-02-03-04-07-10-11-12-13-14-20-22. Another set of numbers that mean absolutely nothing and will give you nothing in return.

Check to see if you won the right to feel absolutely nothing here.

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Where can you buy a ticket to regret?

You can buy lottery tickets at gas stations, convenience stores, and grocery stores. Because nothing says "convenience" like wasting your money on a pipe dream!

You can also buy tickets online through Jackpocket: con artists extraordinaire, if you live in one of these lucky (or unlucky) states: Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Texas, Washington, D.C., and West Virginia.

The Jackpocket app allows you to throw your money away from the comfort of your own home. You can pick your favorite way to lose money, see your dreams go up in flames, and realize that you're never going to be a winner, all with just a few taps on your phone!

Jackpocket: Conning you out of your money, one ticket at a time. Gannett may earn revenue from your stupidity. GAMBLING ADDICTION? Too bad! CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, or don't, we don't care. Age restrictions apply, but who's really keeping track? Jackpocket is not affiliated with any State Lottery, thank God. Void where prohibited, but why would it be? Terms: jackpocket.com/tos. Your soul now belongs to us.

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