Texas Lottery: Pick My Balls, You Filthy Degenerate

Texas Lottery Results: Yet Another Reason to Stay in Mom's Basement

The Texas Lottery is back at it again, tempting the unwashed masses with their fake dreams and get-rich-quick schemes. Here are the results from August 15, 2024, for all you suckers who dared to hope:

Pick 3

• Morning: 2-0-9, FIREBALL: 5. Because nothing says "good morning" like a fiery ball of debt and disappointment.
• Day: 2-8-6, FIREBALL: 5. The only "fire" you'll ever experience is the burning desire to escape your mundane 9-5 job.
• Evening: 2-9-8, FIREBALL: 9. As the sun sets, so do your chances of ever escaping this capitalist hellscape.
• Night: 6-1-2, FIREBALL: 4. Another lonely night, crying yourself to sleep while counting your non-existent winnings.

Check Pick 3 payouts and previous drawings here, if you must.

Pick 4

• Morning: 5-0-8-2, FIREBALL: 6. That's right, we added another digit to make your loss even more devastating.
• Day: 0-1-5-6, FIREBALL: 2. Your chances of winning? Also a solid 2 out of 10.
• Evening: 6-4-2-2, FIREBALL: 2. Two Fireballs in one day? That's what you get for wasting your money on these scams.
• Night: 8-0-1-3, FIREBALL: 3. As the night draws to a close, so does your bank account.

If you're a masochist: Pick 4 payouts and previous drawings.

All or Nothing

• Morning: 01-03-06-12-15-17-18-20-21-22-23-24. All or nothing? Let's be real, it's always nothing.
• Day: 01-02-05-06-08-09-11-13-16-18-19-21. The only thing you'll be "all-ing" is your savings account.
• Evening: 01-04-06-08-09-11-12-13-18-21-22-24. "Nothing" is all you have to show for your pathetic attempts at financial freedom.
• Night: 03-04-06-07-09-10-11-15-18-19-21-24. At night, you'll be dreaming of the life you could've had if you hadn't wasted your money.

All or Nothing payouts and previous drawings: for those who enjoy pain.

Cash Five

01-03-09-21-26. Five reasons to stop believing in luck and accept your eternal damnation in the 9-to-5 rat race.

Masochists, click here for Cash Five payouts and previous drawings.

Texas Two Step

04-05-09-19, Bonus: 08. Two steps forward, ten steps back. That's the story of your life, isn't it?

Texas Two Step payouts and previous drawings: another link to make you feel worse.

Feeling lucky? Explore the latest lottery news & results, if you're a glutton for punishment.

Winning lottery numbers are sponsored by Jackpocket, the enabler of your gambling addiction.

Where can you buy lottery tickets?

• In-person: Gas stations, convenience stores, and grocery stores. Because nothing says "convenience" like convenient access to financial ruin.
• Airport terminals: For those desperate enough to try their luck while waiting for a flight to their unimpressive destination.
• Online: Through Jackpocket, the digital enabler, in select U.S. states and territories. An app that lets you throw your money away from the comfort of your own home.

Jackpocket, enabling your gambling vices. Gannett earns revenue from your desperate attempts to escape reality. In case you're wondering: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). 18+ (19+ in NE, 21+ in AZ). Physically present where Jackpocket operates. Jackpocket: not responsible for your bad decisions. Eligibility Restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Terms: jackpocket.com/tos.

This results page was generated automatically using algorithms and dark magic. Feedback? Sure, why not: this form.