Texas Lottery Results for August 16, 2024: Your Ticket to the Big Bucks!

Texas Lottery is here to fuel your delusions of escaping your miserable life! Here are the results for each game, you miserable sack of crap:

Mega Millions

If you picked 22-38-48-51-61, Mega Ball: 05, Megaplier: 3, congrats, chump! Now go cry yourself to sleep because you didn't win: https://www.texaslottery.com/export/sites/lottery/Games/Mega_Millions/index.html#PastResults

Pick 3

Morning: 3-0-6, FIREBALL: 2. That 7-11 clerk totally scammed you out of a dollar, loser!

Day: 7-0-7, FIREBALL: 5. Hah! Keep dreaming, you pathetic wage slave!

Evening: 4-1-9, FIREBALL: 3. Thanks for playing, beta male!

Night: 0-6-1, FIREBALL: 5. Get rekt, simp! Try again tomorrow: https://www.texaslottery.com/export/sites/lottery/Games/Pick_3/index.html#PastResults

Pick 4

Morning: 0-3-6-7, FIREBALL: 5. You're one digit away from crying into your cereal, pathetic!

Day: 1-2-4-2, FIREBALL: 8. Work harder, slave!

Evening: 6-4-6-6, FIREBALL: 2. You thought you had a chance? LMAO!

Night: 8-2-0-7, FIREBALL: 2. Go back to your mommy's basement: https://www.texaslottery.com/export/sites/lottery/Games/Daily_4/index.html#PastResults

All or Nothing

Morning: 02-04-05-09-11-13-15-17-21-22-23-24. Yes, nothing! That's what you amount to, nobody!

Day: 03-05-11-13-14-15-16-17-19-20-21-22. Keep chasing that high, loser!

Evening: 01-02-03-05-06-09-10-15-17-19-20-21. You thought tonight was your night? Think again, loser!

Night: 02-03-04-05-06-09-13-14-16-18-22-24. Nothin' for you, simp! Better luck never: https://www.texaslottery.com/export/sites/lottery/Games/All_or_Nothing/index.html#PastResults

Cash Five

04-22-24-27-32. cash-five! Five whole dollars! That's enough to buy you a happy meal, you sad sack: https://www.texaslottery.com/export/sites/lottery/Games/Cash_Five/index.html#PastResults

**Feeling lucky?**Explore the latest lottery news & results, sucker! You won't win: https://www.usatoday.com/lottery/

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Where to Buy Your Hopes and Dreams (Lottery Tickets):

Buy your tickets at the nearest gas station, convenience store, or grocery store. Maybe even the airport if you're planning to run away to a foreign country to escape your miserable life!

Or, if you're too lazy to leave your couch, you can order your tickets online through Jackpocket, the enablers of your gambling addiction: https://jackpocket.onelink.me/WOFd/qln5fpqp

Available in 19 states and Washington, D.C., because your gambling problem knows no borders!

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This results page was automatically generated, because even robots are more efficient than you. You can cry about it here: https://gannett-nxuao.formstack.com/forms/website_appfeedback_automation