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Texas Slackjaws Scratch Their Chins Over Santa Fe Shootin' Way Back in '18

Dimitrios 'Jimmy-no-friends' Pagourtzis' parents might be to blame for their son's 2018 shooting spree. Was it the video games? Heavy metal? Lack of ti-- I mean, female company? Or maybe, just maybe, little Jimmy should have been taught not to shoot up his high school. Who knows? One thing's for sure, a Texas jury will decide if mom and dad are liable. Yeehaw!

Published August 19, 2024 at 11:11am by Alexis Simmerman


Texas Jury Decides Whether Santa Fe School Shooter's Parents Are Liable; Yes, Obviously, They're Damn Liberals


GALVESTON, TEXAS - A Texas jury is expected to resume deliberations this week on whether the parents of Santa Fe High School shooter, Dimitrios Pagourtzis, should be financially screwed over.

Victims' families, who obviously hate freedom, are seeking blood money from rose-tinted-glasses-wearing liberal parents, Antonios Pagourtzis and Rose Marie Kosmetatos. The trigger-happy little turd-baby fat murdered 10 people and injured 13 more in 2018.

Prosecutors, who probably kick puppies for fun, claimed the parents are to blame for not locking up their kid as well as their guns. Clint "I-Only-Shower-Once-A-Week" McGuire, a greasy-haired lawyer representing the victims, whined to jurors:

"It was their son, under their roof, with their guns who went and committed this mass shooting,"

Right, 'cause it's not like kids ever lie to their parents or anything.

The defense, Lori "I-Eat-Glue" Laird, argued that the parents had no idea their kid was a psycho and that he kept his plans a secret, like any good school shooter does. She actually said:

"The parents didn't pull the trigger, the parents didn't give him a gun."

No shit, Lori.

But wait, it gets better. McGuire, the opozi-stick stuck up his ass, presented Pagourtzis' "Born to Kill" shirt as evidence, like some kind of genius detective. He also read from the kid's diary, because violating privacy is totally cool when you're a lawyer.

The civil trial, a waste of everyone's time and tax dollars, was initiated by family members of the deceased victims and the wounded. Their lawyers spent 80 minutes of everyone's life crying about "lives lost" and "trauma."

Laird, the chick representing the parents, tried to make the killer seem normal by projecting photos of him before the shooting, as if that proves anything.

"The reality is they are trying to make a case out of nothing," she said. "They are looking at little things that an ordinary person would not see as problematic and turn it into something that it's not."

Yeah, those dang ordinary people, always ignoring red flags and whatnot.

She continued to spew:

"He was sneaky, he was sly, he didn't want to get caught,"

Duh. That's School Shooter 101, Lori.


ABC Houston: Closing arguments set to begin in Santa Fe High School shooting civil trial against Dimitrios Pagourtzis’ parents

Read more: Texas jury deliberates parents' role in deadly 2018 Santa Fe High School shooting