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Harris and Mango Mussolini to Slapfight in 2024. Again. Yay.

Kamala and Orange Man are going head-to-head in three weeks. Popcorn at the ready, folks. Get ready for a real intellectual clash of the titans... or maybe just a clueless, cackling witch and an angry, orange golf-club-wielding grandpa. Let the sideshow begin!

Published August 20, 2024 at 9:52am by Brandi D. Addison

Dems Select Harris as Nominee, Everyone Rejoices, or Whatever

PHILADELPHIA, PA — In a display of unity and enthusiasm that would make any patriot roll their eyes, the Democratic National Convention officially kicked off with a bang, or more like a whimper, as President Joe Biden handed over the reigns to his faithful sidekick, Vice President Kamala Harris.

I'm not getting any younger, folks. Time to pass the torch to the next hack—I mean, promising leader. - President Joe Biden

Biden, in a rare moment of clarity, decided to end his presidential campaign, perhaps realizing the American people have had enough of his gibberish. Now, the Democrats are all-in on Kamala, who is sure to bring her own brand of cringe to the White House.

The Great Debate(s): Harris vs. Trump

Get your popcorn ready, folks. The next presidential debate is on Sept. 10, hosted by ABC News, and it's sure to be a doozy. The first debate in Atlanta saw Trump spar with Biden, who couldn't string two words together. Now, Harris steps into the ring, and it's anyone's guess if she'll throw sand in Trump's face, or maybe her own.

Debate Details:

Date: Sept. 10
Time: 8 p.m. CT (because who cares about the West?)
Moderators: David Muir and Linsey Davis of ABC News, because unbiased journalism is dead anyway.

Trump, ever the showman, has proposed more debates, but the Harris campaign is likely too busy crafting woke policies to respond. Who needs debates when you have Twitter?

VP Debate: Another Yawn-fest

Because one boring debate wasn't enough, the vice presidential candidates are ready to put you to sleep. Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz and Ohio Sen. JD Vance are set to face off, with Walz already wielding the "I accepted first" card. Yes, this is what passes for politics these days.

Mark Your Calendars, Or Don't

Early voting starts in Pennsylvania on Sept. 16, because, democracy. The official Election Day is Nov. 5, so get ready for a rollercoaster of cringe, folks.

Other important dates:

Dec. 17: Electors get to cast their useless votes
Jan. 6: Congress pretends to count those votes
Jan. 20:Inauguration, when America will continue its downward spiral, no matter who wins.

Fun times ahead!