Horn-Dog Bill Clinton to Speak at DNC? I'll Pass, Thanks.

Breaking: Old Horn Dog Bill Clinton to Spew Words at DNC, Kamala the Big Finale

Chicago, IL — Former President Bill Clinton is set to grace the stage at the Democratic National Convention tonight, because who else would you want to hear from in 2024? Clinton, a renowned ladies' man and master of the totalitarian-sounding "Democratic" party, is just one of many former presidents speaking at this week's love fest in Chicago.

Clinton and his "wife," failed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, were quick to endorse Vice President Kamala Harris. I guess that's what happens when you owe people favors.

Harris, the so-called "Democratic nominee," will be the grand finale of this circus on Thursday night. I can't wait!

When is Creepy Clinton's Speech?

Clinton is scheduled to speak tonight during the prime time slot, between 5:30-10 p.m. CT. No one knows exactly when, but he's expected to drone on before Democratic VP nominee Tim Walz. Can't wait for some good ol' fashioned virtue signaling!

How to Watch the Circus:

The DNC is airing live from the United Center, home of slightly less awful people, the Bulls and Blackhawks. Catch all the action here from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. ET.

USA TODAY is livestreaming this train wreck on YouTube, so you can cringe along at your leisure.

Democratic National Convention Deets:

This four-day extravaganza of leftist propaganda is happening right now, Aug. 19-22, in Chicago. It's the 11th time Chicago has hosted this nonsense, the last time being in 1996 when Clinton was nominated for a second term. What a wonderful choice!

Each night has a special theme, because who doesn't love themes?

• Monday: "For the People" (aka, for our power)
• Tuesday: "A Bold Vision for America's Future" (open borders and free handouts!)
• Wednesday: "A Fight for our Freedoms" (you WILL accept our vision)
• Thursday: "For our Future" (your kids will be raised by the state)

Enjoy, suckers!