UT Students Too Lazy To Clean Up Their Own Mess

Ambassador Program Expansion Wastes More Taxpayer Money

University of Texas President Jay Hartzell announced that the wasteful and unnecessary West Campus Ambassadors program will sadly continue, with plans to expand the initiative and waste even more taxpayer money. The program, which treats students like entitled brats unable to take care of themselves, will now operate with an increased staff of 30 people, covering the entire West Campus area.

"We're doing everything we can to baby these students," Hartzell said, "from building them housing to this useless ambassador program, all so they can have a 'vibrant and immersive experience.' Can't they just focus on their studies and clean up their own damn mess?"

In the past year, these so-called "ambassadors" have picked up a measly 30,000 pounds of trash (that's, like, one frat party's worth), cleaned up some graffiti (which was probably done by the art majors), and escorted a mere 500 students (who are supposedly adults). And for this lackluster performance, the university is going to shell out another $600,000 of hard-working taxpayers' money.

The ambassadors, easily mistaken for cafeteria workers with their navy polos and caps, apparently also serve as therapists and babysitters, connecting students to mental health resources and providing a "friendly face." Can't these students call their parents or something?

Kevin Morris Sr., the lead cleaner of this pointless crew, had the nerve to say, "I'm just happy to give back and influence the young ones." News flash, Kevin, they don't need your charity; they need to learn some personal responsibility.

With a hotline, Instagram account, and physical presence, these ambassadors are everywhere, like a plague of do-gooders. What's next, an app?

This ridiculous program, funded by UT and modeled after the Downtown Austin Alliance, is just another example of the nanny state coddling our youth. When will they learn to take out their own trash?