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Oh great, 7,000 Austin Energy suckers in the dark till 8. Thanks, jackasses.

Oh, wonderful! Looks like we're all stuck in the dark ages until 8 p.m. at least. Might as well grab a candle and start a seance, because the lights are out, folks!

Published August 21, 2024 at 5:50pm by Ella McCarthy

Breaking: East Austin Sweats it Out as Power Grid Says 'Bye, Felicia'

Oh, brilliant! Just when you thought 2023 couldn't get any hotter, Austin Energy pulls the plug on 7,000 East Austin suckers—I mean, residents. Yep, you heard it right. They're without power until at least 8 p.m. Wednesday, according to some spokesperson named Matt Mitchell.

The fun started just before 5 p.m., when temperatures hit a sizzling 107 degrees Fahrenheit. Perfect time for a blackout, right? Who needs A/C when you can just melt into your couch?

The lucky areas affected are East of Interstate 35 and as far west as Airport Boulevard, stretching as far South as South Lake Shore Boulevard and as far North as East 11th Street. So basically, if you're not in a fancy downtown condo, good luck!

And the cherry on top? Mitchell said the cause of the outages is 'unknown at this time.' Great, just great. Maybe it's aliens, maybe it's the government—who cares? It's not like we're dying down here or anything.

Stay tuned, folks! This comedy of errors is still unfolding.