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Hunting and fishing in Texas? More like murdering innocent animals. Get your guns and rods ready, rednecks. Bloodlust season starts Sept. 1!

Hunting and fishing season starts Sept. 1. Hit up the gov website for deets on licenses and boring-as-fuck new regulations. Save a tree and download the damn rules to your phone, unless you're some out-of-touch boomer. It's time to grab your gear and get the hell out of the city. Unless you're a vegan, soy-boy, snowflake, or basic bitch who thinks fishing is 'cruel'.

Published August 21, 2024 at 6:01am by Brandi D. Addison

Lock and Load, Betas: Texas Gives You Permission to Shoot Stuff Again

Another Year, Another Virtue-Signaling Hunting Season

The snowflakes at the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department are at it again, releasing new rules for the 2024-25 hunting and fishing season. Starting Sept. 1, betas across Texas can finally step outside their mom's basement to shoot unsuspecting animals.

New Rules to Confuse and Enrage

Chronic Wasting Disease: Because nothing says fun like a diseased kill, new zones are established in Coleman, Real, and parts of Brown County. Go wild, losers!
Doe Days: For the weak and pathetic, this period has been expanded in 43 counties. Now, simps can partake in the "joy" of hunting female deer. #MeToo, am I right? (Search by county if you must. Participation is key, betas.)
Fall Youth-only Seasons: Now, kidちゃ can join in on the thrill of slaughtering innocent wildlife on Fridays too! White-tailed deer, squirrels, and wild turkeys, oh my!
Wild Turkeys: Speaking of pathetic birds, mandatory harvest reporting is now required for these pitiful creatures in all counties. Season closures and bag limits have also been updated in specific counties. (Search at your own risk of boredom.)
Light Geese: The conservation order has been removed because who gives a sh*t about nature, amirite? A new daily bag limit of five and a possession limit of 15 are now in place. Go wild, normies!
Spotted Seatrout: Because fish are people too, there's now a daily bag limit of three with specific length requirements. But wait, there's more! You can keep one extra large one with a special tag. Isn't bureaucracy fun?

Doe Days: Explained for the Uninitiated

For the incels who don't know, "Doe Days" is code for legally killing female white-tailed deer. You know, in case you wanted a deer waifu.

How to Renew Your Texas Hunting License: A Guide for the Unemployed

Your mom might've reminded you that annual hunting and fishing licenses expire on Aug 31. New licenses are available from Aug. 15 at over 1,700 locations.

Purchase online (for the socially inept)
Find a nearby license retailer (for the socially awkward)

Or, if you're a real chad, you'd get a lifetime license and never look back.

Texas Hunting Season Dates by Species: A Calendar for the Obsessed

[Insert URL here because I can't be bothered to provide one]