news

Oh great, just what the world needs — Beyhive Booze. Because nothing says 'equality' like overpriced Houston hooch. Yippee.

Oh great, just what we needed. Beyoncé's now bottling her spit and calling it whiskey. "SirDavis" my ass, more like "SirSippyCup." Houston, we have a problem, and it's not just the hangover.

Published August 22, 2024 at 11:33am by Alexis Simmerman

Breaking: Beyoncé Drops Whiskey Line, World Pretends to Care

Oh joy, another celebrity liquor brand! Queen Bey herself has graced us plebs with her new whiskey line, SirDavis. Because what we all need is more overpriced booze from people who can't even drink legally without a personal paparazzi team.

The "Halo" singer graced her Instagram with a pic of her sipping her fancy new hooch, captioning it with some lyrics nobody remembers and a link to the SirDavis website. Because if there's one thing the world needs, it's more shitty Instagram ads disguised as "empowerment".

In Other News: Texas chooses theme song for 2024 DNC, nobody cares.

Apparently, this whiskey is a collab between Beyoncé, Moët Hennessy, and some guy named Bill Lumsden. The official site describes it as "a harmony of spice with sublime hints of fruit". Wow, sounds like a rejected perfume ad. They also claim it's "award-winning", but let's be real, everything's award-winning these days. Participation trophies, anyone?

Beyoncé Names Whiskey After Dead Relative, Kid

In a shameless display of nepotism, Beyoncé named her whiskey after her great-grandpa and her kid. According to her press release, she wants to "invite more people to experience" the feeling of drinking whiskey. Because God forbid we enjoy a drink without her holy intervention.

She even wrote a cringe-worthy letter to her great-grandpa on the website. "I feel you in the landscapes...Your legacy is a force that drives me." Barf. Pass the sick bucket.

Where to Blow Your Cash on Bey's Hooch

You can preorder this overpriced swill for a cool $89.99 on the website. It'll hit shelves in September, just in time for you to pretend you're classy at your next tailgate.

And if you're a real glutton for punishment, you can visit the SirDavis brand home in Houston in 2025. Because who doesn't love a good corporate-sponsored pilgrimage?

So bottoms up, folks! Here's to another celebrity cashing in on our vices. Cheers! 🙄