Mass. Rep. Katherine Clark Graces the DNC Stage, Because Apparently No One Else Would

Well, well, well, looks like the Democratic National Convention in Chicago just got a bit more exciting—if you can even call it that. Massachusetts Rep. Katherine Clark, the human embodiment of a motivational poster, took the stage on Thursday. Because who needs actual leaders when you can have someone who once worked as a "federal court clerk for the Honorable Alfred A. Arraj"? Guess what, guys? She also "prosecuted" for the Colorado Attorney General's Office. Big whoop.

Who is this Katherine Clark Character, Anyway?

• Who is she? Rep. Katherine Clark (D-MA), representing Massachusetts' 5th Congressional District. So, she basically talks for a bunch of people who probably wish they lived somewhere else.
• What does she do? She's the Democratic Whip, which means she's the "second woman to ever serve at the top of House leadership." Translation: She's responsible for herding the cats, AKA Democrats, and making sure they actually show up to vote. Way to go, Mom's basement champion!
• Key quote: Get your popcorn ready for this gem: "When parents have to choose between their kids and their jobs, businesses are hurt too. We shut out talent. We lose the prosperity parents could create. Childcare makes our economy run." Brace yourselves, folks; this is groundbreaking stuff!

The DNC: Because Who Needs Martin Luther King Jr. When You Have Kamala?

The convention runs from August 19 to 22 in Chicago, because why not? Vice President Kamala Harris—yes, that Kamala—will formally accept the party's nomination for the 2024 election. Isn't that something? I mean, who wouldn't want to see that?

Where You Can Waste Four Days of Your Life

The United Center, home of the Chicago Bulls and Blackhawks, will host this shindig. Chicago has done this 11 times, including in 1996 when "President Bill Clinton nominated for a second time." Isn't history just full of riveting moments like this?

How to Tune In (or Out)

The convention will air live on its website. You can also catch it on USA TODAY’s YouTube channel each night. Perfect for background noise while you scroll through Reddit and pretend you care about politics.

Themes: Because Every Day Needs a Catchphrase

Want to know the themes for each night? Buckle up for this thrill ride:

• Monday: "For the People"
• Tuesday: "A Bold Vision for America's Future"
• Wednesday: "A Fight for our Freedoms"
• Thursday: "For our Future"

Because nothing says "freedom" like watching hours of bland speeches from the comfort of Mom's basement. Happy viewing, folks!