Democrats Gather to Worship Kamala in Chicago Circus

Oh boy, here we go. California Rep. Ted Lieu kicked off the Democratic National Convention in Chicago yesterday, because who better to start the party than a dude from California talking about California?

Lieu, who's apparently a Major in the Air Force Reserve (probably got the rank out of a cereal box), couldn't stop gushing about Kamala Harris. He droned on about her fight for affordable housing back when she was California's Attorney General. I bet he didn't mention that the only housing she made affordable was her own.

The convention wraps up tonight with Kamala scheduled to give her acceptance speech. I can already hear the cackling.

_Watch Rep. Ted Lieu's full DNC convention snoozefest here

DNC Day 4: Because nothing says excitement like Kamala Harris live.

Who is Rep. Ted Lieu?

• Who is he: Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA), because California doesn't have enough nuts already.
• What role he plays: He co-authored the Article of Impeachment and helped with Trump's second impeachment trial. Real groundbreaking stuff. Check out his glowing self-written bio on the House website.
• Key quote: "It shouldn't be this hard in America," he whined. "And President Kamala Harris will make sure it’s not." Because all our problems will magically disappear with her in charge.

Sign-up for Your Vote: Text with USA TODAY so they can sell your data to the highest bidder.

When and where is the DNC

The Democratic National Convention, or as I like to call it, "The Gathering of the Entitled," is happening from August 19-22 in Chicago.

They'll be taking over the United Center, home to the actual entertaining stuff like the Bulls and Blackhawks. Chicago's hosted this circus 11 times, most recently in 1996 when they renominated Clinton. Remember him?

How to watch and stream the 2024 DNC

If you're a masochist, you can watch it live on the DNC website. It's on from 6:15 p.m. to 11 p.m. Eastern on Monday, and 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. Eastern the other days. Because who needs a social life?

USA TODAY will also stream it on YouTube each night. Joy.

What are the themes for each night of the DNC?

Buckle up, because these themes are pure gold.

• Monday: "For the People" (Of course, because they care about us so much.)
• Tuesday: "A Bold Vision for America's Future" (Spoiler alert: it's more taxes.)
• Wednesday: "A Fight for our Freedoms" (Like free speech, which they totally support.)
• Thursday: "For our Future" (Which will definitely not be a dumpster fire.)

So there you have it. Enjoy the show, losers.