Oh Boy, It's On: The 2024 Election Circus is in Town

Buckle up, kids! The Democrats just wrapped up their little party, and we've finally got our presidential showdown set for 2024. Isn't that just thrilling?

So, ol' Sleepy Joe finally kicked the bucket on his candidacy last month and handed the reigns over to Kamala "Cackles" Harris. She gave some tear-jerking speech about God knows what, and now we're stuck with her until November. Joy.

Meanwhile, over at the Republican shitshow, Former President Trump (you know, the guy who can't stop talking about himself) locked down the nomination and picked some Ohio dude named JD Vance as his sidekick. Good luck with that, America.

Oh, the Debates...

Get ready for the clash of the titans, folks! Harris and Trump are gonna duke it out in the first (and maybe only) presidential debate. ABC News is putting on this spectacle on Sept. 10 at 8 p.m. Central Time in Philadelphia. Grab your popcorn!

Trump, of course, wants more time in the spotlight and proposed two more debates with Fox News and NBC News. But Harris is playing hard to get, according to CBS News. Who knows, maybe she's too busy planning her victory party.

Remember back in June when CNN hosted the first debate, and Biden couldn't string a sentence together? Good times.

Who's Gonna Keep ‘Em in Line?

Our dear leaders at ABC News have tapped David Muir and Linsey Davis to moderate the debate. Let's hope they can keep the chaos to a minimum.

Vice Presidential Debate: Who Cares?

Some states are getting ready for early voting as soon as next month. But let's not forget about the vice presidential debate! Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz and Ohio Sen. JD Vance are gonna go head-to-head. CBS News invited them to debate in New York on a bunch of dates, and Walz was like, "See you on October 1, JD." Thrilling, right?

Save the Dates, Plebs

Mark your calendars for these super-exciting Election Day events:

• Dec. 17: Electors vote
• Jan. 6: Congress counts electoral votes
• Jan. 20: Inauguration (yay...)

Check when your state starts early voting.

Oh, the Joy of an October Surprise

Every election has one—an October surprise! Here are some juicy examples from the past:

• 1972: Nixon's "Peace is at Hand" announcement
• 1980: The Iran hostage crisis
• 1992: Iran-Contra indictment
• 2000: Bush's DUI revelation
• 2016: Comey's letter on Clinton's emails
• 2020: Trump's COVID-19 diagnosis

Stay tuned for more fun and games, folks! This election is going to be a total dumpster fire.