PBR Gambler Days Kicks Off with a Damp, Dusty Whimper

AUSTIN - Oh boy, where do we begin? Shaboozey, the supposed "rising artist" who mixes hip-hop and country like a disappointing barbecue salad, took to a tiny outdoor stage at Moody Center after a laughable rain delay. Because, you know, God was crying at the thought of this performance.

summer storms cause a shelter in place (aka God's Intervention)

6:30 p.m. Shaboozey was meant to start before the bull riding, but the sky had other plans. A light sprinkle turned into a full-blown tantrum from Mother Nature, postponing the set. Good thing too, because who wants to watch a try-hard country-hip-hop fusion when you can watch paint dry instead?

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Lightning strikes caused a shelter-in-place notice, trapping concertgoers like rats in a cage. They huddled by the doors, desperate to secure a good spot to watch the dumpster fire unfold.

waiting and wilting in the post-storm humidity (aka The Sweaty Masses)

7 p.m. After the rain, attendees stampeded out like cattle released from a pen. They crammed under a tent to wait for His Royal Mediocrity, Shaboozey. The stage was surprisingly small, fitting for an artist whose talent is equally tiny.

For the next half-hour, the crowd stood there, marinating in their own sweat. Cowboy hats and middle-aged white folks filled the tent, along with some poor elementary school kids dragged along for the torture.

A little rain won’t stop Shaboozey’s parade (of mediocrity)

7:30 p.m. Shaboozey finally graced the stage in his ridiculous Western getup, complete with silver-spurred boots and dark sunglasses (because nothing says "country" like looking like a blind vampire cowboy). He launched into "Tall Boy," a song as forgettable as last week's leftovers.

Shaboozey engaged the "bootcut boys, bootcut girls, and bootcut babes" (gag me) before doing a sad country jig for "Beverly Hills." The 40-minute set felt like an eternity, but at least he gave us a glimmer of hope when he downed a double shot of whiskey. Here's to hoping it dulled his performance.

He ended with "A Bar Song (Tipsy)," and the crowd sang along like the brainwashed sheep they are. Gambler Days might be a gala for cowboys, but all we saw was a prize idiot on stage.