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Oh goody, let's all pretend we care: Fall starts Sept 21, 2024. Leaves? Who knows, who cares, it's Texas.

Oh, bloody brilliant. It's Virgo season, aka the "let me organize your sock drawer" time of year. And Texas, get ready to watch those leaves change from " green" to "slightly less green but kinda brown-ish." Woohoo, autumn.

Published August 26, 2024 at 6:01am by Alexis Simmerman

Oh Great, Fall is Coming. Time to Pretend We're Excited

Yeah, yeah, it's still hotter than Satan's armpit in Texas, but apparently, fall is creeping up on us. The Farmer's Almanac says it's gonna be "warmer-than-average" — because global warming is just a spa treatment now. Here's their ridiculous forecast, if you're into that sort of thing.

Little brats are gearing up to go back to school — if they haven't already. And Starbucks has rolled out their overpriced, sugary nonsense they call the 2024 fall menu. Pumpkin Spice Latte, anyone? Barf.

When is the First Day of Basic White Girl Fall?

This year, the first day of fall, or as they call it, the "autumnal equinox," is Sunday, Sept. 22. According to the Farmer's Almanac, the exact time is 7:44 a.m. CDT. Because knowing the precise moment when you can bust out your UGG boots and infinity scarves is crucial.

But wait, there's more! Three weeks before that, Sunday, Sept. 1, is the start of meteorological fall. Whatever the hell that means.

What's an Equinox, You Ask?

Equinoxes happen twice a year when the Earth isn't leaning too hard into or away from the sun. We get almost equal day and night — how thrilling. There's one in the spring too, called the vernal equinox. Here's the science crap, if you care.

Mark your calendars, morons: When is Labor Day 2024? Here's why it's a national holiday to drink beer and burn meat.

When Will the Leaves Change, So I Can Take Some Basic Photos?

Leaves near the Gulf Coast won't do much, but North Texas might see some action. They start changing in mid-October and peak in early to mid-November, according to some landscaping dudes. Dropping happens from October to December. Blah, blah, temperature, rain, sunlight, yada yada.

When is Virgo Season So I Can Blame My Crappy Mood on the Stars?

Thursday, Aug. 22, through Sunday, Sept. 22, it's Virgo season. The Virgo new moon is on Monday, Sept. 2. Get your horoscope nonsense here.

When is Winter So I Can Finally Freeze My Ass Off?

The first day of winter is with the winter solstice on Saturday, Dec. 21. Shortest day of the year, then we slowly crawl back to longer days. Yippee.

Can't wait for all the pumpkin carving and ugly sweater parties. Kill me now.