Breaking: Freebirds Launches Pointless Dip-ocalypse

Listen up, basement-dwellers! Freebirds, the most basic burrito chain ever, is dropping a giveaway that'll blow your dusty minds. They're giving away free chips and dip for a year to two lucky losers. Yeah, you heard right—a whole order every week for 52 weeks. Because what you really need is more carbs and calories, amirite?

How to Enter Their Stupid Contest

• Sell your soul to Freebirds: Sign up to be a "rewards member" through their pathetic app or website.
• Stalk them on Instagram: Follow Freebirds because misery loves company.
• Fake enthusiasm: Like the giveaway post on Insta. Yeah, sure you care.
• Tag a friend: Drag some other poor sap into this mess.
• Repost like a robot: Increase your nonexistent chances by sharing the post on your story.

But wait, there's more! Freebirds is starting a cringeworthy "Team Guac vs. Team Queso" battle royale. From September 2nd to 13th, join their lame Text Club via the Guac vs. Queso website and vote for your favorite overpriced dip to get free junk. If you're already a sucker for their SMS, just text “TEAMGUAC” or “TEAMQUESO” to 73718.

When is National Guacamole Day?

September 16th, because who needs real holidays? Celebrate the overpriced avocado mush made with lime juice, onions, and all that crap. Restaurants might offer "special deals" to con you out of more money.

When is National Queso Day?

September 20th, another pointless day celebrating melted cheese. Enjoy the heartburn, folks! Restaurants might tempt you with "discounts" or "free queso." Yeah, right.

So, if you've got nothing better to do (and we know you don't), go ahead and waste your time on this pointless giveaway. At least it'll give you something to do besides bothering your mom in the basement.