Heatwave Hits Midwest, Hawaii Braces for Hurricane Double-Whammy

Buckle up, folks! The Midwest is about to turn into a giant pizza oven while Hawaii gets pummeled by not one, but two hurricanes. Yeah, because Mother Nature hates us all.

Midwest Heat: Because Satan Moved Up North

Chicago, Milwaukee, and Minneapolis are about to get a taste of the ninth circle of hell with excessive heat warnings. The National Weather Service, in their infinite wisdom, says, "Forecast highs in the mid-90s to near 100 combined with high humidity will send heat indices into the 105–115-degree range." So, if you thought your mom's basement was hot, wait till you step outside.

Hawaii: When Paradise Turns into a Washing Machine

Hawaii, everyone's favorite vacation spot, is about to get a one-two punch from Hurricane Hone and Hurricane Gilma. Because who needs a relaxing week on the beach when you can have torrential rain and howling winds? According to AccuWeather, two named storms haven't come within 300 miles of the main Hawaiian Islands within a week since 1992. Lucky them, right?

Hurricane Hone: The Party Starter

Hurricane Hone dropped by Hawaii on Sunday, dumping up to 18 inches of rain like an unwanted house guest who just won't leave. Portions of Maui saw winds of up to 60 mph. Because who needs a peaceful Sunday afternoon?

Hurricane Gilma: The Uninvited Plus-One

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, here comes Hurricane Gilma, churning west with sustained winds of up to 115 mph. The hurricane center says Gilma figures to weaken, but who cares? It's still going to ruin everyone's week.

Heatwave Hits the West: Because Why Not?

The Midwest isn't the only one suffering. The West's preview of fall is coming to an abrupt end this week as summer returns with a vengeance. "Some locales can see an increase in afternoon high temperatures of up to 35 degrees in just a handful of days," said AccuWeather Meteorologist Grady Gilman. So, if you thought global warming was a myth, surprise!

Midwest Forecast: Because Misery Loves Company

Minneapolis

• Monday: High of 90 F, feels like 101 F. Low of 70 F.
• Tuesday: High of 81 F, feels like 85 F. Low of 65 F.
• Wednesday: High of 82 F, feels like 87 F. Low of 68 F.

Chicago

• Monday: High of 93 F, feels like 100 F. Low of 74 F.
• Tuesday: High of 90 F, feels like 101 F. Low of 74 F.
• Wednesday: High of 81 F, feels like 88 F. Low of 71 F.

Milwaukee

• Monday: High of 89 F, feels like 98 F. Low of 73 F.
• Tuesday: High of 89 F, feels like 97 F. Low of 70 F.
• Wednesday: High of 81 F, feels like 89 F. Low of 69 F.

Southwest Forecast: Because the Desert isn't Hot Enough

Los Angeles

• Monday: High of 89 F, feels like 94 F. Low of 64 F.
• Tuesday: High of 87 F, feels like 92 F. Low of 63 F.
• Wednesday: High of 83 F, feels like 91 F. Low of 64 F.

Las Vegas

• Monday: High of 100 F, feels like 103 F. Low of 75 F.
• Tuesday: High of 104 F, feels like 105 F. Low of 78 F.
• Wednesday: High of 105 F, feels like 107 F. Low of 79 F.

Phoenix

• Monday: High of 108 F, feels like 110 F. Low of 84 F.
• Tuesday: High of 110 F, feels like 110 F. Low of 85 F.
• Wednesday: High of 103 F, feels like 104 F. Low of 81 F.

So there you have it, folks. Another week of fun in the sun and tropical storms. Thanks, Mother Nature. You're a real pal.

Contributing: Jeorge L. Ortiz