Attention, Gluttons! Olive Garden's "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" is Back

Oh, joy! Olive Garden just announced their annual "Never Ending Pasta Bowl" promotion, because why not encourage people to gorge themselves until they explode? Starting August 26 until November 17, you can stuff your face for just $13.99. Because nothing says "fine dining" like bottomless pasta, unlimited greasy breadsticks, and all-you-can-eat soup or salad. Yum!

But wait, there's more! For an extra $4.99, you can pile on those never-ending toppings. Because who doesn't want meatballs raining down on their rigatoni like a fleshy meteor shower?

Jaime Bunker, some marketing guy at Olive Garden, gushed in a news release, "Never Ending Pasta Bowl is one of our guests' favorite times of year, and we’re excited to welcome them back around our dining tables at the same price as the past two years." Thrilling! I bet your mom's basement is just as exciting, Jaime.

And get this, they haven't changed the price in three years. It's like they're saying, "Hey, we know you're cheap and love carbs, so here you go!"

Olive Garden's Menu of Regret

Brace yourselves, here's the full pasta menu:

• Pastas: Fettuccine, Spaghetti, Rigatoni, and Angel Hair (because variety matters when you're stuffing your face)
• Sauces: Creamy Mushroom (vegetarian), Traditional Marinara (vegan), Five Cheese Marinara (vegetarian), Traditional Meat Sauce, and Alfredo (vegetarian)
• Toppings: Meatballs, Italian Sausage, and Crispy Chicken Fritta (because why not add more grease to the fire?)

They claim there are over 80 possible combinations. Wow, so diverse! Just like the dating pool in your mom's basement, right?

_ originally written by some dude named Gabe Hauari at USA TODAY. You can follow him on X @GabeHauari or email him at Gdhauari@gannett.com._