Oh Wow, Community Colleges: Because Who Needs a Real Degree?

Brace yourselves, folks. The future of our great (cough) state of Texas lies in the grimy hands of our community colleges. Yeah, you heard it right. Those glorified high schools are now supposed to prep the next generation for "family-sustaining jobs." Isn't that just heartwarming?

Let's dive into the oh-so-impressive stats, shall we? Texas has a whopping 678,000 students in these two-year wonders. That's more than our actual universities. Way to aim high, Texas. About 130,000 degrees were handed out this year. Degrees in what? Underwater basket weaving? Who knows?

And the best part? It's all at a fraction of the cost of a real education. Because why pay for quality when you can get a bargain-bin diploma?

Our lovely legislators, in their infinite wisdom, even dumped $683 million into this endeavor last year. Because God forbid we invest in something useful, like fixing potholes or building a wall to keep out those darn immigrants.

They even came up with this ridiculous term, "credential of value". Translation: a piece of paper that might get you a job flipping burgers. But hey, at least you can say you're "career-aligned."

And let's not forget the grand plan to "modernize our high schools." Because what high school student wouldn't want to be saddled with college coursework? It's not like they have enough to deal with already.

But sure, let's all pat ourselves on the back for recognizing the "extraordinary leadership" at these institutions. I'm sure they're all working tirelessly to churn out the next generation of minimum-wage earners.

Want to learn more about this thrilling transformation? Check out https://texas2036.org/community-colleges. Spoiler alert: it's about as exciting as watching paint dry.

So here's to our community colleges. May they continue to lower the bar and make Texas the laughing stock of the nation.

Signed, a bitter journalist living in his mom's basement.