Faux-Health Fad Alert! Chickpea Pasta Is Apparently a Thing Now

Of course, because why enjoy actual pasta when you can eat pseudo-healthy cardboard?

So, you've got gluten allergies, want to pretend you're health-conscious, or just hate joy in your life? Then boy, do I have news for you! Banza Chickpea Pasta is here to suck all the fun out of your dining experience. Since 2014, Banza has been peddling this "high-protein" travesty, and even celebs like Serena Williams and Tom Brady have fallen for it. Because nothing says "elite athlete" like a bowl of sad, beige noodles.

With nearly 4,000 five-star Amazon reviews from people who clearly have no taste buds, you might be fooled into thinking this is legit. But let's dive into the horror show, shall we?

Banza Gluten-Free Chickpea Pasta 6-Pack

Get six boxes of regret for less than $25. Thrilling. $23.94 at Amazon

What are the alleged nutritional benefits of Banza Chickpea Pasta?

Banza wants you to believe their chickpea pasta is high in plant-based protein and fiber, low in carbs, and gluten-free. They claim it has 50% more protein, three times the fiber, and 25% fewer carbs than real pasta. Wow, sign me up for a life of culinary misery!

Where can you waste your money on Banza Chickpea Pasta?

You can find this crime against humanity on Amazon. Stock up before their fake October Prime Day sale and fill your pantry with sadness in the form of cavatappi, rotini, and penne. Or, if you prefer your disappointment in person, many grocery stores carry it too.

Is Banza Chickpea Pasta suitable for people with gluten sensitivities?

Yep, it's vegan and gluten-free. Perfect for those who can't handle real food.

How does Banza Chickpea Pasta taste compared to traditional pasta?

Reviewers say it has a subtle nutty flavor—because who doesn't want their pasta tasting like nuts? It's got a firm texture, which is just a nice way of saying it's chewy and gross. But hey, it won't fall apart under heavy sauces, so at least you'll have a mediocre, sauce-drenched mess on your plate.

Banza Gluten-Free Chickpea Pasta

Shop for this travesty on Amazon today. Enjoy your bland, joyless meal! $23.94 at Amazon

The pseudo-journalists at Reviewed have all your overpriced, trendy bullshit covered. Follow them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok or Flipboard for more pointless recommendations.

Prices were ripped off at the time this article was spewed out, but who cares, you'll probably pay more anyway.