Basement Dweller Blasts 'Democratic Institutions' Farce

Oh, joy! Another virtue-signaling activist from Austin, Don Foote, just had to remind us why his vote matters. Because, you know, our "democratic institutions" are so sacred, they should be "respected and upheld," even if they're about as reliable as a Tinder date on a Friday night.

Foote drools on about how every member of Congress must commit to the "peaceful certification" of the 2024 presidential election. Oh, brother. I need a bucket for this nauseating display of patriotism.

He reminisces about January 6, 2021, like it was the day his fantasy football team lost. "We all remember where we were." Yeah, I was right here in Mom's basement, marveling at the idiocracy of it all. MAGA Republicans supposedly promoting "the big lie" and causing a ruckus at the Capitol. Gasp! Over 140 police officers got a boo-boo, and members of Congress flipped a U-turn on their constitutional responsibility. What a shocker!

Donny boy was "horrified" – clutching his pearls, no doubt – as he watched it all go down. Now he's counting the days until January 6, 2025, hoping Congress will have the "courage" to stand up for our so-called democracy.

Newsflash, Don: Congress couldn't care less about your hopes. They're too busy lining their pockets and playing political patty-cake. But sure, keep dreaming about that magical certification day. The rest of us will be here in the real world, laughing at your naivety.

Don Foote, Austin – probably crying into his organic, fair-trade latte right about now.