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"80 Years for Squashing Teen! Way to Go, Texas 'Justice'!"

**Texas Man Scores Big in Jail-Sentence Lottery: 80 Years for Minor Homicide** Leandro Brito-Martinez hits the jackpot! Well, not really. He's just spending the next 80 years in the slammer for ending a 14-year-old's stroll across the street in Round Rock. Talk about a walk cut short.

Published October 5, 2024 at 8:30am by Claire Osborn


Basement Dweller News: Scumbag Gets Locked Up for Mowing Down Teen

In a shocking turn of events that totally doesn't restore our faith in humanity, an Austin man—because of course, it's Austin—decided to go for a joyride in a stolen car and ended up mowing down a 14-year-old kid. Way to go, dude. You've just won yourself an 80-year vacation in the slammer. Buckle up, folks. This one's a doozy.

So, picture this: It's July 31, 2022, and our genius of the day, Leandro Brito-Martinez, 28, is cruising around in a stolen ride. Round Rock police spot him and think, "Hey, maybe we should stop this guy." Shocker, I know. They flash their lights, and Brito-Martinez does the sensible thing—he floors it. Because why not turn a stolen car joyride into a high-speed chase, amirite?

This idiot is now zooming down Louis Henna Boulevard at nearly 100 mph, weaving through traffic like he's playing a real-life game of Grand Theft Auto. Despite the cops trying to back off, Brito-Martinez blows through a red light, slams into another car, and kills 14-year-old Tobias "Victor" Soto, who was just walking through the intersection. Great job, asshole.

But wait, there's more! Brito-Martinez, in a move that surprises absolutely no one, flees the scene on foot. Because when you've just committed manslaughter, the logical next step is to go for a run. Luckily, the cops caught up with him later.

Now, let's talk about Momma Soto for a second. She lives nearby and hadn't heard from her kid, so she goes looking for him. She gets to the intersection, sees the first responders, and is told that her son is dead because some douchebag thought it would be fun to play Fast & Furious in real life. Can this story get any worse? Yes, yes it can.

Little Victor was about to start his freshman year at Round Rock High School and wanted to play football. But nope, this jackass had other plans. Oh, and did I mention that Brito-Martinez has a criminal record longer than a CVS receipt? Because of course he does.

District Attorney Shawn Dick had some stuff to say about this shitshow, but I'll spare you the sappy details. Basically, he's sad, the cops did good, and they're all committed to seeking justice. Blah, blah, blah.

So there you have it, folks. Another shining example of humanity at its finest. I'm sure Brito-Martinez will have a fantastic time in prison. After all, who doesn't love spending 80 years behind bars?

Stay classy, world.

Read more: Austin driver gets 80-year prison sentence for killing 14-year-old Round Rock pedestrian