ACL Fest Day 2: A Misanthrope's Musings

Alright, you festival-going freaks, let's talk about day two of ACL. Dua Lipa graced us with her presence, and apparently, I'm supposed to care. Let's dive into this shit show.

Dua Lipa

The Albanian Barbie dropped her hits like she was trying to kill us with pop music. "One Kiss" into "Illusion" into "Break My Heart" into "Levitating"—I swear the crowd was having a collective seizure. Fireworks? Check. Galaxy lights? Check. Guy next to me creaming his pants? Double check.

Need a break from this hell? Here, play a puzzle.

"There’s not a song that’s not a (expletive) banger," said some dude. Yeah, because we all know pop music is the pinnacle of human achievement.

— Deborah "I've Sold My Soul to Pop" Sengupta Stith

Reneé Rapp

Lesbian pop icon—because apparently, that's a thing now—Reneé Rapp stormed the stage in a shirt that screamed "BLEACH BLONDE BAD BUILT BUTCH." Subtlety is dead, folks. Her set was 40 minutes of emotional torture disguised as fun. She had the crowd eating out of her hand, singing along like a bunch of brainwashed zombies.

— Lily "I Ship It" Kepner

Benson Boone

Mormon pretty boy Benson Boone back-flipped onto the stage like he was trying out for the cheer squad. His red jumpsuit was as obnoxious as his "I'm so legit" message. Thanks, Taylor Swift, for inflicting him upon us.

— Ramon "I Hate Pop Music" Ramirez

Jungle

Six dudes with instruments made noise for an hour. The old guy next to me loved it. I didn't. Next.

— Ramon "Get Off My Lawn" Ramirez

Vince Staples

Vince Staples yapped his way through his set, brought some kid on stage, and played a few hits. Groundbreaking.

— Caleb "I'm Too Cool for This" Yum

wave to earth

South Korea sent us wave to earth, a trio of rockers who shredded their guitars and probably ruined their vocal cords. 1.4 million Instagram followers and they're still playing ACL. Life is unfair.

— Mars "I Hate Everyone" Salazar

Still Woozy

It was hot, they played music, there was a giant penguin. Woozy by name, woozy by nature.

— Keri "I'm Melting" Heath

Eyedress

Some guy in a Sonic Youth shirt played synth music. It was dark, it was cool, it was whatever.

— Mars "I'm Too Hipster for This" Salazar

The Beaches

Chicks with guitars playing rock music. Like the Rolling Stones, but with better hair.

— Lily "I'm With the Band" Kepner

Brittany Davis

She sang, she played the keyboard, high school boys chanted her name. Typical blues stuff.

— Deborah "I'm Over It" Sengupta Stith

Something Corporate

Old guys trying to relive their glory days. Red bandana, Olivia Rodrigo tee, diamonds on his face—Andrew McMahon looked like a midlife crisis personified.

— Lily "I Miss the Early 2000s" Kepner

The Criticals

Pretty boys making pretty music. I'm not impressed.

— Mars "I'm Too Good for This" Salazar

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